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hahaha barring the first three sentences,and the fifth and the sixth and a few more sentences here and there, i know i know the rest is like spot on!
WAHHAHAKJHKASHDKAJSDKASGDJAHSGDASJD ;
new:


.nostalgiafactory. by ~weevilgirl on deviantART

and a few more pictures mine.

no i havnt been doing much but i guess i WOULD have if i had a camera and such.
:/
so well the thing is that its winter and all with the oh-i-love-winter or the oh-winter-is-a-bitch posts all over blogsphere and i so absolutely suck at them that i wont even begin to try writing one of those.but well winter IS fucking cool. haha. even though it doesnt get too cold here in this city which is a pity pity pity. siliguri was so much cooler XD i dig winters yes. blankets and all.and i like my nose getting frozen up and shivering is fun. no kidding. but its not like i get to enjoy the worldoutdoorsthebeautyandwhatnot at any time of the year anyway so wtf it doesnt make much of a difference. like pujas. when do i ever get to go out even during the pujas? so well on christmas i couldnt've expected much. not like anything interesting EVER happens during festivals and such. seasons, festivals or just.. things arent too much of a happy issue when its my life we're discussing. yes even going to the terrace and spending time there must be fun during winters but im only allowed there for say 15 mins at the most. like im gonna get killed somehow or maybe im gonna turn into some evil witch if i stay there for too long. im 17 for pete's sake. but who wants to consider that anyway? its all so horrible and gets my head so messy and makes things so complicated that talking about it in simple stupid goddamn sentences feels quite liberating actually and FUCK MAN NORAH JONES IS IN THE CITY AND I HAVE NO FRIGGING CLUE ABOUT IF THERE'S GONNA BE A SHOW AND SUCH I SURE WANNA GO MAN YOU KNOW ITS GONNA BE CRAZILY OUTRAGEOUS IF I DONT GET TO
and i dont like facebook. its got like thousands of stupid apps and everyone has to send requests for adding those apps to everyone else.its all just very lame. but not being allowed to play in the band is the lamest thing in the entire universe. and now that i got reminded of THAT, i dont think i wanna talk anymore.


p.s.:im notinlove with anyofyou. im not about to fallinlovewithanyofyou anytimesoon. therefore, im not going to be in a relationship with you. what makes that so hard to get?

YOU don't seem special.
but neither do i.

now the trouble begins while trying to decide whether both those statements taken together matter more or just the first matters more than anything else.

and this isn't a question hurled at any of you.
so.walk.on.

yes i know, ok? i know im a tomboy. and i dont care. deal with it. or maybe no you dont HAVE to deal with it you can just leave me alone and get on with your life. what makes that so difficult?

And it is now that I can’t place what I was seeking
When the petals have been placed
Right before me
Waiting to be alloyed
Into a plant’s dream child
The one to be born of
A touch…
deeper than the music of the world.

The smile is weary
And unsure of its own efficacy
While its lover faces it with a sparkle
Which holds mysteries of the sunny winter night.
Mysteries out of reach and obscure.
Wrapped in different layers of child’s clothing
Petals et all.

A moment or decade
And the newborn withers somewhat in the shadows of the day
Lying dormant with a penny in its mouth
Willing to buy time..
Wishing to buy a chilly summer night.

And now when the petals lay waiting
I juggle with words.



-------------------------------------------

and i feel awful. horrible. like a porcupine trapped in the shell of a diseased human devoid of jhdfkjhakjfhkjhj i cant explain.
things are apparently so going my way.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO DIFFICULT ,GIRL? oh well i dont know.
but its not like im going to change anytime soon and that doesnt make things any better for me yes its none of your fault so you need not be tortured having to read all this and no it isnt obligatory you know. just go about your business why dontcha?
i cant open any blogpage for some reason although singing into blogger and all that can be done. so therefore i cant post comments or reply to them and blah and blah and what not :

and its HORRIBLE when you can see people thinking that you feel in a particular way for them when you most definately dont but you cant exactly make that clear you dont even know why.
im going to die a loner. im too used to it.
i WANT to die a loner. i want to DIE. yes you are all welcome to come and discuss how immature im being.heh, like anyone's reading anyway.
:

17+ and more?

fuckmanthingsarehappeningsofastandijdsklfjklicajshkfjhfuckmanjdfafiwantedsobadkahfkahfkjandsdfkandkdskjahfjwhatthefuck?
I WANT AND I GET AND I RUN AWAY AND I STAY PASSIVE AND LET IT ALL PASS ME BY? I WANT SOME PERMANENCE GODDAMMIT.
YOU UNDERSTAND HYSTERIA?
fuck
xDDDDD
but WHY cant i stop grinning?
oh no this is not good this is either effing awesome or the hugest disaster ever and its not fair how some people can be so good with words that it creates a fucking vacuum insideyourribcagecausethetinylumptrappedinsideitslightlytothelefthassuddenly
leftitsplaceandjumpeduptothethroattochokeyou.

the balcony; and it was dark
and i had stepped back at that moment
the dream was ripe.

lost since then
fallen out and strangers in the mist

and in the midst of a thousand different,
fashionable silhouettes
with hidden eyes, and magnets
lost? and blotted out..

crooked lines and a laugh or two
dipped in coffee or milk
or a few surface notes;chords
once in seven months and weeks i don't count

and today
some sentences in the poetry book
and the ants somewhere disturbing
make remember
of an unrecalled existence

and of a time
when
i stepped back and you vanished.

=P

yesterevening:

me: [on the phone with puchi] oh fuck i dont even remember..!
dad:[ YES HE WAS RIGHT IN FRONTA ME] oh fuck? what oh fuck? >:/
me: er, nothing. yes so pujita, im doomed did you know?

xPPP
that would be the third time i yelled out that fucking word infronta dad loudandclearly varyvary and the first time he showed SOME reaction.
where are the forks when we need to use em the most? forgotten
:P

english literature exam tommorow
:/
so well yes ill use that word again DOOMED I AM FUCKING DOOMED

and im so proud of my last post that i want more comments
blwaahajhjdkshjhkjsd;

ebb

when the glint is fresh

spreading out the soul
is always easy
like taking in
an oceanfull of stars

although
a tincture of defeat is
what settles in
when their venom is grilled

folded up, then
the ocean is just bitter spit

the inside of the head forgets to speak
or lay cushions in the right places

then
caught in the mesh
and iced
i wait for you to crash
onto my left palm

faack.

tell me whats wrong with me, someone.
FUCKING BLOCKS. MENTAL BLOCK AS LD RIGHTLY PUT IT.
and i have my exams from the 19th and all i do is sit and read random blogs, falling in love with strangers who have spelt out everything ive ever felt [or imagined or dreamt up or just subconsciously heard] in wordslikecomets -dies-
oh dont ask me.im like that. imprudent, if you know what i mean.
and i read the same effing blogs OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. no im not telling you which ones. goaway.
and sigh, its like everyone i know is getting a new camera ..some EVEN DSLRs!
ITS UNFAIR, YOU UNDERSTAND?
yeh jo world hai na world, ab se ismein do tarah ke log honge.ek, jinke paas acche cameras honge, are dusre, like me, who will continue to feel crippled and gagged due to the absense of a decent camera in their lives.
:'[
ok so now you go ahead and tell me im being all difficult, unreasonable, insensitive not thinking about half the population of our country who hardly get proper meals and all that crap and you get yourself thrown out of the window and into a gutter, i tell you.

and something needs to be done about my poverty stricken vocab.
maybe its just that i dont read AT ALL.and whatever bit i do, im so totally unable to retain and recollect when i really need to. now how dumbandstupidandlame do i sound? pathetic, i know.

and sneezing fits arent fun anymore, really.like there was a time when i would actually enjoy sneezing 2183892 times in a row...i was almost show-offy about the whole thing.. oh look look no-one-but-the-all-mighty-ship-can-survive-such-violent-sneezing-fits ..sorta thing.[again, im like that yes. sicklyweird. save your breath.] but now, its boring.and annoying.and the running nose doesnt help. why am i perpetually sick, will anyone explain that to me?
i think i need FRESH AIR. i need to feel less confined and shit, for one. that might have absolutely NOTHING to do with the dust allergy driven sneezing fits, but i think id be better off not feeling like a prisoner in my own head [ or in my house, for that matter :/ ]
-sigh-

and i dont understand my inability to put certain things to words. ok most things.imagine we're having this heated up discussion over a certain matter i really do feel strongly about, but when asked for an opinion, all i can manage is a shrug with ..god i cant explain now, can i? THAT is so dead lame that i feel like strangling myself with the filthiestandprickiest dragontail ever.it makes me seem/sound/feel stupid , like i am anyway. it might be that i really am not very conversant with the issue [which is the case more often than not] but i might have opinions? i might have SOMETHING to say which i just CANT because of the simple and delibitaing fact im not in very good terms with words?
gah words. i think im scared of em subconsciously.
:/
its not funny yknow stop sniggering already.

and parents.its amazing just how horrible it can get, staying with them.
i know it as i type out every word that i survive by leeching my parents in more than one way but I CANT HELP IT OK?
-sigh-
pelase dont comment. bleh.

and its not funny how i havent been able to make anyfuckingsongin AGES.
grr
im still sore from not being able to go for vibes and things continue to get worse thanks to the authorities at school.school.reminds me of the fact that its gonna reopen on the 12th. monday yes.fuck.
and i havent done NOTHING that we were suppossed to be submitting and i dont even KNOW what it is thats suppossed to be given in? ok yes one case study i have completed thanks to LD =D but i dont have no pictures for it and teh printer isnt working so all of you are welcome to go ahead and ask me why on earth are you cribbing about that? you can just go to a cafe and get printouts or something. yes. blah. shuddup. why? cant i even crib in peace?

ishq is gonna die the day i meet her next.i tell you she IS. not that you need to know that, like everything else i write in this shitpage.and gah, im so doomed that its not even funny.
smirk away, shravvy.

gah. i need some cookies.
and chlormints.
and lesser people telling me how i mustve gone out with mom instead of causing that horrid fight.
and i need more people who i can talk to/ connect to.
no wait. i need more ways to talk to the people i already can talk to.
[you wont get it unless youre one of them, so go away.]
and a hug.


AND A FUCKING CAMERA AND SOME RESPECTABLE COLOURS AND A WAY TO GET OUT OF THE BLOCK.
ARGH.

ps:yes i know i know i have a tag to do. a meme. will do when i can.
and defenestrate. i cannot afford to forget that word again.why? because i like it.

hahaha

tring tring.
shay: "ssup?"
ship: "i can't talk right now."
shay: "fuck you."

after 5 seconds.
tring tring.
shay: "sorry i said fuck you"
ship: "it's alright. i'm in a..erm..tuition"
shay: "okay bbye"

after 10 seconds.
shay: "you take tuition?"
ship: "yeah, second day"
shay: "sayan?"
ship: "no wtf?"
shay: "oh ok bbye"

LMAO
and those were STD calls by the way.

and english tutions, by the way. more of fun sessions. with bricky. yes. anyone who thinks i dont need english tutions can shut up.

vpwoman:" that short girl has such a powerful voice! and she's so tiny i thought..."

SO THATS AN INDICATION FOR YOU TO STOP THINKING SO MUCH, WOMAN.
*smug straight face*

andmydearinceywinceyprincyyouneedtodie.YOUUNDERSTAND?DIE.

do not generalize.

Sayan:
[something you dont want to read and i dont want to post]
Sukrita's turtle says:
...
Sukrita's turtle says:
im nt gonna say anything
.ship. says:
...
.ship. says:
men=no words.
Sayan says:
the thing is..DO NOT EVER GENERALIZE
Sukrita's turtle says:
HOW CAN WE NOT WHEN YOU ARE ALL SO ALIKE
Sukrita's turtle says:
GOD SHIP HELP ME OUT HERE
.ship. says:
no. i dont like to talk much.
Sayan says:
men don't notice the subtle side of things. period
Sayan says:
men are brash.period
Sukrita's turtle says:
men don't notice. period.
Sukrita's turtle says:
men are dumb. period.
Sayan says:
women are dumb.period
Sukrita's turtle says:
at least we're subtle about it :P
Sayan says:
yeah,that's the worst part
Sukrita's turtle says:
you are just IN YOUR FACE dumb.




...
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAJHJKSHADKJHJSDKSDGgsdhSD;

someday..

ill live my story.

ill build a river with the water flowing through it
too liquid to be scary, to fluid to be stagnant
ill build a river and its bank
like a plateau wrapped in autumn
and spring in bits
where the grass will write songs and the air shall
dance in harmony with the tune spitted out by transparent clouds

we'll have stars to stare at

ill get my wings unfolded every stormy night
and at other times
when my feet are not engaged in schmoosing
the innocence of wilderness

we really will have some ground and a sky

then, i will be able to recall
every word my eye has ever lain on
though it wont be required nomore.
only the vision will matter then
and a few more senses..

and you

the music will never stop, then.
vacillate, maybe, but not halt
and then my fingers will slowly
turn all the more nimble
and skilled like none other

and there will be kites to fly

someday
ill build my river and your bank
and everything else
and then
the pipe dreams and all these things that mean nothing
will make sense

someday ill make the songs stop sounding like
prayers that fade away into the dreary night.
someday these warped mirrors will sonorously reflect
every living bit of me ..
and you with them.
someday, i'll make sure you exist.

and we'll live.


----------------------------------

and i swear im laughing at this shit
wahahhahajkhksa; its just writing at its crappiest :P

BITCH

i wish i could curse you just as much as you deserve to be cursed.
hah but i do pity you just as much as you deserve to be pitied.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE FUCKING FORK.

how does one feel when one is in the middle of drawing a picture with all their heart and soul and liver and spleen and mind and everything in the entire anatomical+metaphysical universe and suddenly realises that their only box of colours has gone missing?
i, for one, feel like a shackled-and-about-to-be-decapitated psychotic crow deprived of its lungs that has just been thrown into a steaming puddle of dragonpus.

....

-insert AWHOLEFUCKINGLOTOFHARROWINGGHASTLYGROWWLLINGROAR-

and ALL THE GRAMMAR IN THE WORLD CAN GO TO THE FILTHIESTANDHORRENDOUSEST NOOK OF HELL.

xD

shay:
and dont alienate the people who love you at this time when u need em the most
[=O how does she know?]
..
if we know wut causes our mood swings.. the wrld wud be so fuckin filled wid purple it'd be scary


WAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHA :DDD

thedeaddonkey:There's always a silver lining ,Ship,trust me.
maybe
xD


ahh take it eeeeeeasaaaaaayy!!!!!!!1111111oneone
<3

oh and THAT thing is just the result of boredom ^^

dear world

lets pretend i dont exist.

now that isnt at all difficult, is it?

100th post

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYAYYAYAYAYAHGASJGFAJSDLALALALALALLAAKJHSDHF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111ONEONE
i have updated my deviant art gallery.check no plis? plis?
xP
happay pujo everyone!

somethingidrawedsomethingidrawed!

...eyes wide open always hoping for the sun

and she'll sing her song to anyone

that comes along

a little girl

with nothing wrong

and she's all alone..

Are you sure you want to delete this post?

yes.

so lost in the music that she messes up her lines.
there is no grace, no charm
just the clumsy innocence
the pretence has been cast away
the rest remain amorphous, rude
and like a nascent star she is forever shaking
trembling
with life and fear and
all that is shrouded from her own eyes
unstable.
like the autumn and December
and a few words that mean nothing
she exists
weary, but she knows she wont sleep
smiles at the sky before
breaking down to weep

the wet light soaks her
and her naked soul drips.

elusive

and now again i sit here blessing, cursing the brevity of your stare that turns hearts into pingpongballs and beyond the tinkling of glasses and the wafting smell of bittersweet nightmares the night is still frozen likethe greybluepurple skies and the mellow orb that once helped me finish my sentences that meant not a thing unlessyou b e l i e v e and like a puppet monster eating timeless flowers you pretend to lie.
but i heard the sky whisper to you things you dont believe yet.
and i lose myself in another line from the unsung serenade as the smoky blaze blinds me.

[say and shi]

i was bored and i was jobless wahahahkjhdshgfds;

xD

and my scanner isnt working and webcams suck as hell.

:/

i peeled 1/4th an apple

my mom does not like apple skins.she was sick and hungry and dad was cooking and so i had to try peeling it off.took me exactly 20 minutes to get that much done. and then mom shook her head and snatched it away and did it herself. :P

im so easily a f f e c t e d.
by things.
and i dont even mind. generally.
but when im incapable of affecting things the same way, its just a futile life.

sometimes its too much of a pain trying to be fluid among rocks. even if i dont belong to the stone i was carved out from, things are just BOUND to put me back there.

no dont sympathise.or try to make me sing with you.
you only just pretend to smile right on through when I do the same, right?

i wont.

handmaderakhis.clickcards.pulling cheeks. slapping and chasingeach other all around the school. calling names.being the monitor, hearing wrong, resulting in Dmerits and tears. aww. :D
longlonglongjghfdj hours on the phone to piss off my folks. the music. the guitar. the gayness. the misunderstanding and the falling outs. and the "what are you wearing?"s.
guess where the midwicket is? ..er..somewhere around the..umm..midwicket?
"give me that rose? i promise i wont throw it away"
you dont remember man. 578? you dont remember either.
but it doesnt matter.

he has been my only long term friend so far.
pure silly stupid childish mindless gay fun.
or boredom.
whatever.
'rohn' is just another hot emo mosher: [ yes i was BEGGED to put up some other pic which would shout OH-MAN-HE-IS-HOT-DONT-GO-BY-THE-EARLIER-PIC. *rolls eyes* he.is.stupid.period.]
but abheek sinha will always remain abheek sinha for me.

like a fever so close to the bone..

from a million light years away
you smiled at me
before i fell asleep.
i saw you being [mis]cast
as a clown in the farce
they call life
across the clear blue skies of my nightmares
your smile flashed
like the summer lightning.
i had a fever then.
maybe the visions lied
will you let me lie down beside you
if i write you a note
with words that can be smelt,
or maybe a song that can only be felt
with an acoustic touch..?

bookcover.

theclownzombie by ~weevilgirl on deviantART

this, is suppossed to be a bookcover.the front bit of it. an assignment for my commercialart+graphicdesigning class.i suck. and have NEVER tried anything like this before.

andthisissuppossedtobethecoverforanimagi narystorybookwhichmakesmedieoutofhilariousgloom.thank you.

variegated.

i am
the rainbow in grey.
to the passing winds i smile
as music billows out through cracks
in my mask..
counting shards of illusions
i sit and draw stars on stones
and watch them die
call me a dreamer in my
silly guile

i waver for once..
before the shell i must break
falls silently ajar
blow stardust gently
into the hull
and watch the colours rally..

+3

..i see you
on the otherside of my dreams.
staring and not knowing what to do
feeling like you're
trapped in my gaze
that says nothing but yearns
for what..
only the moon knows

i know you have
another hand to hold
when i fade away with the stars

you smother me
unknowingly
with feelings i cant explain

if only
i could wear my heart on my face
and paint it red and blue
but if you would have liked it
id paint it green for you

and once again
the wall of clouds
keeps me from reaching out

i witness the war
between kingdoms of dreams and fears
and watch them blent

staring back at you
i can only wish i knew
what to make known
and not just fall deeper in this pit

will you still remember
to smile at me
while i fade away with the stars?
even half a smile will do
save the bigger half for the one who shines
on the otherside of your dreams..





[loryhjdxwdp]


i had deleted this for some reason and yes, im reposting it.
i dont see the point of not having it here anymore anyway.
just a piece of utterly silly shit.
see, i am not even labeling it crapattemptsatpoetry..its just turned out this way even when i didnt want it to.
just. whatever.

i cant row a little boat.

6:01 p.m.
.. i dont think i can talk to you then..
not when you couldnt do the same.
im sorry i did...


choking on tears and crying silently sucks so much.
i want to howl and die.
but i will live to make myself the most miserable person in the entire universe.
its always my fault.
always.

OK I GIVE UP HAPPY ARE YOU?
YES. BE SO.

itsunfair,youunderstand? itsdownrightcruelsometimes. whycantitNOTbesoforachange?
why does being mature/smarter/stronger have to be a disadvantage? i know i can deal with it. i know i can swallow all the shit in a jiffy and my little finger wont even have a clue.
i know i can spend ages in the colddarkfuckinghollowsoflonelinessandstillfeeluncomfortablehavingtorevealthatimlonely andneveraskforanything So ?
SO YOU WILL KEEP KILLING ME EVEN MORE?
SHECANTAKEITALLSOJUSTLETHERHURLSOMEMOREBULLSHITATHERANDWATCHHERFAKELIVING?
so i dont even DESERVE togetthethingsineedsobadlybutnevergetneverdemandneverbegforsoidontgettolive?
itsnotlikeIdonttryikeeppushingsometimesmaybejusttoohardandwhenitdontneedpushingicarefullystopiTRYtoUNDERTSANDitrytodothe
righthingwhycantifuckingcry?

iwantanapple.but *sigh*
ill buy chlormints tommorow. soillhavetostealarupee. shh.

sheet

have you ever heard of emotional outbursts in the form of stools?
like,ever? now you have.
monday night and tuesday morning.
:/
yes so that.
and my maths teacher scolded me and i dont like it.
:'[

YES I CARE SO?SOWHAT?
no i have nothing more to tell you.


no well actually, i do.

some text messages:

shravvy:i dont know if im mad at you, i dont know if i should be.
call me idealistic but i thought friends were suppossed to be there for each other.
anyway, have a good life.
me:WHA?NO!IWASALWAYSHEREYOUONLYJUSTNEEDEDTOREACHOUT!
THE LAST TIME I PRETENDED TO BE MAD AT YOU, I WAS ONLY BEING THE KID THAT I ALWAYS AM IM LIKE THAT!WTF.icantcallyouandyouknowwhy.ive been going through shit lately and i cant believe your sms NOW.
:/
shravvy:you were "pretending"?what do you mean you were "pretending"? HOWDAREYOU?now just to get it out of my system DONTYOUEVERGOPRETEDINGTHINGSLIKETHAT! GO POKE YOURSELF VERY HARD! now dont ever be so thick about it again.
:p
hello.



we are what? mad?yes.
i have a very eventful/interesting/happeneing/c00l life.is enviousnessity murdering you?yes?yesysyjshk?

go eat my socks.

...समुद्र कि लहरों को जब वायू प्रबल वेग से उठाती गिरातीं हैं, तब जल शिखर वायू के वेग के कारण अस्थिर हो जातें हैं। ऐसे समय में जल शिखरों के उपरी भाग में फेन की सृष्टी होती हैं । इस क्रिया के दौराण पानी के उन लहरों पर कई बुल्बुलें बनतें और फूटतें हैं । हवा के वेग से मानो बुल्बुलों का संसार भी हलचल से भर जाता है । वे इधर उधर बिखर कर मिट जातें हैं परंतु लहरें उठतीं गिरतीं रहतीं हैं ....


:']
पर अगर बुल्बुलों के उसी संसार के साथ हमारा संसार भी कहीं खो जाए तो? अगर उसी संसार में हमारा सारा जीवन बसा हुआ हो, तो? लहरें भी किनारा पातें ही उसी किनारे पर मिट जातीं हैं । तो फिर बुल्बुलों का क्या कसूर होता है जो उन्हें पहले ही दम तोरना परता है? हमारा क्या कसूर अगर हम उन बुल्बुलों को ही अपना साथी मान बैठें?

basically, im insane.

what?this.

life is such a twisted little whore.
MUST it be so convoluted?
oh yes.
but
I'm wise.
and ill drink your brain until no more is left.
you are stupid, and i love you.
and you cant help it.
and i wont change for nuts.
no matter how much it hurts.
unless me being me is killing you and i really do love you still.
which i do and i will.
but you wont know nor care
so kill this phony love affair?

look up at the sky
pretend to talk to me about your scars
and when the stars pee
come up to me
and complain
and whine
be the kid you dont want to be

it will be okay eventually..

learn to
cry with the stars
smile at the scars
the path is longer than it seems
and when you're weary
of the walk
ill comfort you in our dreams



no its nothing.
friends sometimes mean the world, even if they're only virtual.

shadow

it was always make believe
a charade
blatant, well cultivated fakery
a castle built with breezes
that smelt of intoxicating breaths

and i always did believe
phantasms are fulfilling

i've never touched your smile
though curved it once or twice
maybe
never tasted your smile

consuming my defences
confusing the visionary
when the shadow slipped inside
the lurid box of dreams

a glow worm was born

but ive never kissed your eyes
and a phantom voice reminds me
i just always miss your eyes

and i somehow do believe
phantasms are fulfilling
and i always do recieve
messages

the chimeric castle is
illumed
by the glow worm
born from shadows

and the shadow will suffice
until the day
i get to hold your eyes
in mine

.grab.letgo.

.grab.let go. by ~weevilgirl on deviantART

fullview yes.

it was done in school.

xD

so well the day was rather weird. had nothing to do in school.most people had gone for the kalaikunda trip, i dont care if i spelt that wrong. spent the entire day being the laughing gas i am. XD
so that.and made this thing. and submitted a poem for some nie edition our school is gonna be doing blah i dont know. gave in kaleidoscope.whats the point anyway? psht.
and SOME PEOPLE ARE SO WONDERFUL. SUKRITA? MY DARLINGOFANETPAL? SHE GOT TURTLESES AND NAMED ONE OF EM SHIP [yesmeMEMEMESHIP!]
so im her TURTLE!:DDDDDDDDDJSFHJHF!the male actually.:P suits me fine thanks. :D
and the female is Shay. shayontini. she is femality full. so well.its all good.
XDSFDFSD!
life's good.
xD
but dad wants the laptop. NOW.THIS INSTANT.
darndiness.

twigtwig.

twig by ~weevilgirl on deviantART


twigtwig by ~weevilgirl on deviantART

gianttwig held against the sky.

you can either like them, or die.

its that simple.

:P

im veryveriudusillyandmadandkjdh yes all that thankyou.

friend's cam, btw.

touch

i like
the way your touch
smells like the unfinished lullaby
-just a heartbeat away
yet so out of reach-
the way
your outlying eyes silently promise
to hold a piece of the moon
for me
when i'm tired of kissing the dead sky
and the way our shadows die into each other
somewhere in my subconscious
amidst strange melodies of
a lost tomorrow

my skin is reeking
as the touch is lost

like a guitar string snapping
close to the heart
it almost hurts

purplestainedsunburst

Thingses.

thethingimade by ~weevilgirl on deviantART




thats one thing.now THAT took me long to make.
wont say much.



and the thing below, is something i made in school today.
xDDDDDDDDDDDDDASFPADFA!

we bloody sucked multicoloured-baboon-balls* today onstage and i feel so bloody ecstatic about it that i have started doubting my insanity.
i think it is pregnant with triplets.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahajhkdshkaaaaaaaaaaahahajjhgsahgjgf
auihuiytyufuckinggitswithpseudotitsjustgetonstageandburnthesageandaaaaaaboofuckinghoo;

*and that, i do not mean literally im sure you understand.

itssomethings likethis actually
http://scarletstainedsoul.blogspot.com/2007/09/s-m-i-l-e.html
XD

yesterday's...

conversation of the day:
pu:amay teente mosha kaamre dilo! amar lameria hoye gele? x(
ei amar lameria hobe nah toh?

fishhater:nah nah ei mosha gulo totally harmless lil creatures

pu: yes, bhogobaan banniyeche tai emni emni ghure berachhe nah?hamless lil creatures *snort*

fishhater: kochhop ana uchit chilo, wouldve helped

pu: KOCCHOP? it couldnt possibly fly around and eat them, could it?what help would a kocchop be?
[fishhater be bewildered.]
ship: goodness!she means KOCHHOP DHOOP!*ROTFL*

fishhater: really pu, we're talking about MOSQUITOES here so mosquitoes and kocchop DHOOPS ...
pu: but you must specify! you've got a frigging turtle up in your terrace!i thought you'd be talking about some giant turtle with some hugeish neck that would go *gawpgawp* [pu makes weird aberrant gestures which suggest that she's possessed by the spirit of some giant, musquitohungry turtle]

ship does not die of laughterdom. she lives to tell the tale.

quote of the day:

"if i dont learn playing [atleast] the drums, the piano, the bass, the mouthorgan and the sarod before i die, im so going to kill myself"
-ship

dream of the day[er..night]:
first scene that i remember:me.in my granparents' place.jumping up and down, elated, chanting the Avada Kedavra curse.chanting, yes.
change of scene:pu in a sari , with an annoying plastic smile on , and fishhater in a metallica tshirt with khakhi cargothing on, and carrying her turtle in her hand ring our doorbell and mom answers the door and... [the unclefucker song playing on the background] they go mwahahahajkhkhdksf
change of scene: me,in the middle of a rather narrow passage, throwing killing curses [using a drumstick] at orange slimy things which multiply at being hit by the curse.and also giantify.
rapid change of scene: me, walking down the...street?dont remember... slapping the bloody seeds out of a huge apple [yesAPPLE:/] and laughing like a lunatic who has just escaped from a mental aylum.
and the craziest bits are lost.
:[



BUT WE JAMMED AND IT WAS THE GOODS THE VARY VARY!
XD

oh and

dshfsdjfkllj of the day:

pu: [pointing at me] this girl is going to rule the world someday!


mwahahahjkshdkfsf!
YES INDEED MADEMOISELLE!!111111ONEOENOEDP!

yes?

yes i'm an open book,baby
with not a single written word...

or maybe im just illegible

but i could be the magic
if only you were the wand

or maybe its just a lie

you dont exist
its all just a.. blur

djhfjdsf;
that thing in my hand looks like a tiny palm no? :D
its a coral or that sorta thing dadgotfromportblair
maketh me feeli like i havs ahandinmine

and.
*ahem*
lemmeclarifythelastpostitwasaboutmegoingintoaspellofdepressionafter
ihadadepressingdreamaboutsupermanandloisyeslaughallyouwant.


AND LD!!!
*pointsatherandlaughs* rjhjkegrt

you know when the trouble begins?
when you start reading too much into things and you read it right and that makes everything go wrong for you.i just re-realized.
it would be much better if we could get back to being little girls in pink dresses with pet dolls and toy soldiers and fall in love with every other passerby without expecting to be loved back, no?

i NEVER was a littlegirlinPINKdress
NEVER played with dolls.
but I've always fallen in love with strangers...

and i don't regret it.
its funny how i have no regrets.
and sometimes its a good thing.

i give up. for the greater good.
wahahahha no actually, just because thats all i can do.
notgivinguponloving,no.

now if this is making me nearly cry , it MUST have been strong.
:']

i have a good strong psyche.

ofacousticdreams by ~weevilgirl on deviantART



oh well goes with the poem kinda, no?
^_^
what a perfect way to waste time and paper and energy and colours and..blah.
i dont have enough colours or skills.
:[
my silver pen got losted.
:[[
and yes the stars are different coloured you are entitled to laugh.
:P

.bullhappensandshithappens.

i will never, i say, NEVER sing zombie again anywhere in public.
yes i know that's how people started noticing me in the first place, that song.
but now, never.
i mean, i have successfully proved to myself [and to a few more people too] that i am unable to deliver it even close to satisfactorily thanks to my nerves.YES.
first, Pu saw the video of my most disastrous zombie singing ever [i sang with a high fever and *ahem* upsetstomachyes and was feeling like i'll collapse any moment none of this is naanchnajaaneaanganteda shit but you can believe so how would it matter i cant possibly prove you wrong anymore] AND THEN SHE HEARDMESINGITCONSTIPATEDLYRIGHTINFRONTOFHERANDISTOPPED
SINGINGMIDWAYBECAUSEMYHANDSANDLEGSANDMYFUCKINGVOICE
WASSHAKINGLIKEAFEATHERRESTINGONAPINPOINT.
NERVES.YES.

/:


i dislike myself.yes ive been reminded many times this week that the word hate is too strong therefore i used dislike but WTF IHATEITMAN.
*sigh*

oh yes im doing this just to add some melodrama to my verily drab life.nothing much has been up. apart from me not being allowed to go for LD's birthday for no reason, not being allowed to talk on the phone and such, not being allowed to sit where i like sitting, not being allowed to drink water the way i want to drink, and to have chlormints.
AND to sing so much [because, im told, it accentuates the gastric problems if i sing with an empty stomach and well yes my stomach is apparently always empty] please laugh or cry or die or walk away or whatfuckingever i couldn't care less at the moment i have no lack in life to be noticing you thank you very much.
my stomach is hurting and my fingertips are sore from playing too much. my guitar needs help. strings need changing, tension needs to be increased, and the BAND NEEDS TO BE FOUND OUT. or maybe i need to get another one.ohwellilovemyguitar:D.ihavent found ONE person so far who owns a better acoustic.
sdhsjafd; well yes i may suck but my guitar dont. *smugsmile*
and school tommorow again *sigh*
well atleast i dont have to go for the debate.THANKGOD.icanNOT debate.i fumble while speaking my name on the microphone and you are asking me to go for public speaking? mental, i tell you, whoever was trying to send me.oh well now the reputation of the school is spared.

yes the school not MY school.
:/
nevermind again.

and i am the youngest member of our band and im the only guitarist [sofar] and its almost scary.almost VERY scary.
but well ive so wanted this for so long man i couldnt care less about how badly i suck unless im grabbed by the collar and yelled at by the band members.
:P
which will happen only if i dont make an effort to improve and OF COURSE ID DO ANYTHING TO IMPROVE.
:D
so well.


IMNOTGOINGTOBEABLETOGOFORTHEBLOGMEETWTF
butwellitsallgoodaleastiwontberemindedofhowuberlystupidand
unsociableiam.

you run around in circles
and draw the lines you love to cross
feel the wind on your face
dry your eyes
you smile at the distant sound
of laughter
and suddenly break down
break down
and start spinning in your mind

lonely smiles carved out of stone
you are
sunny tears carved out of stone


you dont have to belong
to the stone that you're carved out from
yet you will always belong
to me

sink into yourself
again when you cant
hide from who you are
see through the looking glass
reach out just enough
and im not very far

and as you
smile at the distant sounds
and feel like you're breaking down
you bury yourself in the arms
of another dream
woven out of my fantasies

melting ice carved out of snow
you are
fluid love carved out of stone

you never belonged
to the stone you were carved out from
yet you're so very strong
you amaze me
i guess its not very long
before i discover all of you
but when i look inside
sometimes you faze me









........................................................



oh well its a SONG!!!! YES I GOT A SONG AFTER AGES!!12YU132312!
[got=composed]
okay i forgot bits of it already cuz i started singingandplaying mmy sacrifice while i was on teh tune so bleh
but im SO GONNA GET THE TUNE BACK.

and well it may suck BUTSOWHATASGHKHF!
but it does not suck so STFU
=P

oh well my grandpa expired yesterday at 5:10 pm.
and he took two of my bedsheets away with him [the ones he'd been using for the past 6 bedridden months] and left behind his torch, his pens and pencils and everything else that he never managed to find on his own.
the last time he spoke to me was when he vaguely got the idea that i had passed my board exams with what they call good marks. and people thought he coudnt understand a thing they were saying? he called me from the other room in his then-coarse voice...i somehow knew he was calling me. and then, after a few many mintues of trying to let it out, all he could manage was squeeze my palm and say "good good good" [in english yeah].
and then i didnt visit him again.[until last night, if you think that counts]
thank god.
:]

bubbleburstsandshit

what happens when the cloud you had so lovingly chosen to climb upon and sit on suddenly decides that it will not tolerate your stinky ass anywhere around it anylonger and rains down instead?you fall. and break for the umpteenth time and cant remember whether this is how breaking should feel.
and when the bubble bursts and the void from inside of it spreads all around and smothers you?you cant see.you cant fucking open your eyes to the fact that you were/are stupid.plain stupid and you can do nothing about it.
and all you CAN do is get back to the coldandwithdrawn self that you are when you are not being a sticky lump of gooey shit that sucks up to anyone within reach even when they are obviously hoping that it starts raining and you run indoors while they can blissfully get soaked in the rain and get the pleasure out of imagining pinning you down to the ground and slapping the fuck out of you for being a saccharine lump of suffocating shit.

so what you do is, pretend that your life is perfectly alright with its non existance.

boatgirl

boatgirl by ~weevilgirl on deviantART

she sets the sun ablaze with her stare

and as the smell of stars chokes up the air

the wind blows on in purple gusts

and the grass puts on a coat of rust

...she turns away from her reflection

projected by the bruised sun...

dead trees red seas and bright blue curls

she melts away as her tale unfurls

------------------------------------------------

yes i know I FUCKED IT UP BIG

and i KNOW i have no right to mutilate beautiful sheets of white paper like this but gah.

but , fullview it makes it look better.

titledrambling.

my mom was considering marrying me off to an autodriver whose mom she met at a fishmarket.
his mom asked my mom if she had a "meyer shondhan".
no really.

shravvy:stop being so paranoidly jealous.
PARANOID? I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING RIGHT UNDERMYNOSE [andrightundermypsyche] AND IM FLUNKING ECO AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS AS TERRIBLE A THING AS MURDER AND THE EDUCATION SYSTEM NEEDS TO TAKE A HIKE AND COCKROACHES LOVE SINKS.
and you thought it was frustration? eight years i guess.

presenting...

and they make love, not war.
they follow RAWRY'S law of warship, yes.

today.

its friendship day.

...

*cries*

well happy friendship day to all anyway.

therearetimeswhenyouwanttostrangleyourselfandpulloutyourinsidesburntheminabonfireandwishthemayfliesgetfeededontheashesandripteakkillyouroutsidesfornoreasonorsomereasonoralotofreasonsoryoudontknow.
this is one such time for me;

semicolons never fail to poke me in the funnybone, though.
;

AND IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW THE FUNNY BONE GETTING HURTED FUCKING HURTS.

wahahaHA.

hahahahhaha the thing in the middle was drawed.by me.inside netaji indoor stadium and in the bus partly. they took us to watch the commonwealth volleyball tournament southafrica vs nigeria [iguess] match from school, but all we got to watch was nigerian players warm up.o___O
thats because the match was supposed to start at around 3 pm and that would mean us having to stay back after school hours WHICH our princi wouldnt allow so we went there ,watched those people clean the place and shit [and me robbed tiffin from whoever possible as usual] and came back JUST when teh match was about to begin.cool,no?
:P

me edited that bit of shit
me did me did
XD

of acoustic dreams

the skin
smells of snowflakes
and moonshine soaked in pain
your skin
skims my glassy
eyes that will to burn
a skylight
through the roof

thoughts crawl out
pellucid yet misty
follow the geodesic trail
to a different void
where you dwell

the heart
a patchwork of everything
strange yet plain
in purple and blue
and red in bits
with a tinsel or two
fixed carelessly to the walls
my heart
reaches out for fingers
that etch polychrome stains
on black and blue dreams

smudge the thorns
sing of plastic hearts
ill consume the blue
and smell the moonshine
soaked in pain


come
before passivity clogs my brain
take my hand
and while the seasons
chase the rain
lets climb over the clouds;
sit and count the stars
feeling like each other
trapped in an open shell


i sing of the ringing silence
and wish the tune reaches
the void where you dwell







[needs editing.dont feel like editing. thsi could be so so much better.andihatebloggerfornotallowingthekindofallingnmentiwantormaybeitsjustthatisuck]

TurnAround.And.LookAtMe.Its.Only.You.

i am sad.
and for once in my life, i will talk about it.
not to you, to you or to you.
nor to the atmosphere which exerts some pressure on the page where an aneroid barometer has been drawn by a friend who has been kind enough to do my geography practical drawings for me.
not to the friend either.
not to my guitar which is prolly feeling as suffocated as my vocal chord does now.
not to blogsphere, the people here, not to anyone in the entire universe, save one.
not to the moon,no.

i wont pretend that its not listening, though.
it listens.
to every thing i ever do speak out.
and to everything i never talk about.
so why the pretence?its listening.
just like you are reading on.without having the slightest clue about why you are wasting your otherwise perfectly wasteable time doing this.reading the uselessrant of a lost kid.
just like the atmosphere is cautiously exerting just enough pressure on my dungballforahead to keep it from falling apart due to lack binding strength [this is neither a physics textbook nor a biology guidebook so just .]
just like the drawing of the aneroid barometer on that page don't fucking care how beautifully perfect it looks, its just waiting for its carbon form to fade away.
with time and with ruffling of those papers over and over and over again.
just fade away..
just like i don't understand why i mustn't feel like i do just because there's this risk of being "just like those people".
i like some things which also seem to interest those people who are like them.
i might just pick those up and treat them like the most amazingly beautiful purple tulips in the universe,and fix them with superglue on the walls of my heart.
just like i don't understand why i cannot cry when i feel the tears choking my head.
all those things are as real as all these.
and all these and all those are the same things anyway.
so i decide to talk about them.
not to you though.
not to anyone or anything in the entire universe, but myself.

and that is going to be done the moment i find my self.

p.s:this is not a promise.

21/07/07.
11:35 p.m.

I AM GREEN NOW GREEN AND PISSED I HATE GO DIE DIE DIE WORLD WITH ALL YOUR BIRDS AND BUGS AND TREES AND EVERYTHING ELSE JUST GET THE HELL OUTA MY WAY.
YOU WONT UNDERSTAND SO STOP TRYING GO AWAY.

<3>

Sad Statue by ~hungryapple on deviantART


youuuuuuuuuuaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddmeeeeeeeeeee
wiiiiiiiillllllllllllallgodowninhistoryyyyyyyyyyyyy
witha sweetapple so hungry
and asadstatue withmemoriiiiiiiiiieeeeeeesss
iiiifffforgooooooootttttttttooooo
i for got to let you know that
justified manoeuvring of the attention
brings the happayness to the mopeful ones

weevilspurpletulipsmusicgoooooroundandround
telepathythatdoesntwoooorkstillisfine

justifiedbranDYhelmetsforthenerf
eloquencebeLONGStothegirlperson

YES I'M HIGH GO DIE WHILE I FLY OFF TO SDSJDHSJHDLJHLJ BLAHLAND
DIE RAINS DIE WE BOTH HATE YOU!

xD

dont ask.

boredom its called.

:P

and i joined deviantArt YES I KNOW IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THAT PLACE STFU ALREADY!

http://weevilgirl.deviantart.com/ be me.

Doggerel

the mystical tune comes floating
with the breeze
the cold, doleful breeze
touches the decaying heart
..as at the sound of its own,
muffled beat..
it shivers

the tune resounds
reminiscent of a serenade
which once did please the heart
-when like a flower in full bloom
it did dance-
and now,again,in its bewildered trance
it does respond...
it quivers

the moon looks on at it
..grimace disguised as lucent smile..
the smile
-which once did spread its warmth,
softly over the heart..
the heart not numb enough to
miss its touch-
but now all that it feels is a chill
accompany the glimmer


and the tune turns into a requiem
echoing in the graveyard of dreams
that the heart has now become
-gripped by fears...gory and hollow

the tune plays on
the breeze gets wild
-like a troubled mother's
wayward child-
the moon shakes off its benevolent mask
and reveals its fiendish style
and like every flower that
it was offered once
..slowly, the heart..
it withers.


...............................................................................
wroted before the icse physics exam
i think

meh.

WHY the holy cow must i be a thousand and seven different people at the same time?
and the digits of 1007 even add up to 8.
EIGHT!
AAAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHHHHHH
*dies*
i hope i'm one less now.
=/

and so its been raining and raining annnd raining.
the sky sure has a LARRGE bladder.psht.
last night mom was wondering if this is how the world is going to end.rains and floods and water all around.reminds me of this tool song:
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this.
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

and NONE OF US [me mom dad] know how to swim.
HAH.

and i hate the rains so much that i hate rains very much. i want to get the rains KILLED.
okay i know what you're thinking.
what is my problem?
i know all of you dig the rains but i dont so thats that.
i allow you to shoot me.
i could use a vacation from this.

.opaquetransparency.

.loud recluse.
i know too little. make me smile?maybe it does not count. maybe ill be a little like me someday.am i like you?i dont see me.too much too little to a stupidweirdweevil. i wish i knew. thank god you dont. do you see?it will all be the same eventually.shed more tears.dark skies dry eyes funny words that sound the same as nothing.attentionseeking sadistic freak.hatredforrains.run through my veins. but dont get too close.
the sun does not faze me.is there anything left to reveal?i thought i was real.
was real.real.purple haze in the winding maze of neverland of neverland.tilt the mirror.mask those eyes.rape that smile.the smell of light the sound of smoke tinged with the feel of me.and the blue shadows of time.the dreams heave.and die.there is no close.
break the ice
and give me a few more words to fill up the hollow.

[: milligramofhappynews :]

so.
yes. YES I HAVE CABLE INTERNET CONNECTION NOW YAYAYAY!ah sucked having dail up for all these months but now YAY!

but. my LAPTOP is GAY. it will NOT allow me into youtube AND NOT ALLOW THIS STUPID FLASH PLAYER TO GET INSTALLED AND SO I HATE THAT.no watching vids :[
:@


and what more? this more.
our school. well, BILAMS has decided to be uberkind and sponser our [class 11 and 12's] optional courses for fashion designing or graphic designing.

....


DO YOU GET THAT? BILAMS!THAT 2 YEAR COURSE! YEAH! so now i wont have to take those useless shitty S.U.P.W. classes but instead indulge in more productive graphic designing shit!and in the end,i dunna, get some certificate which will make it worth the while!
XD
*chickendances*
well i dont much know about much of how its gonna help, but this is some serious vocational course kinda thingy and so we get this at school and we are the first batch who are this luckyjhsdhakjsdfhkjfa!
yeah so ive always wanted this. and so. well yeah. so well. YEAH!
XD
im great with words i know
=/

BULLAGAIN.

iamnotrelatedtomymotherandneverwillbedontevenask.


and HAH i wont even utter a WORD about happiness again.

and its sometimes so annoying to feel like i feel now that its heartbreaking and GROWL I DONT KNOW GO AWAY!

yes i crave for attention.
but you can get lost.


but maybe i dont.
its just pissing to even try to figure myself out.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!11111

im HAPPY AND I AM SO HAPPY THAT I WONT EVEN SULK ABOUT BEING TAGGED!!!!!
and i wont tell you why im happy. happiness gets jinxed fast if i tell.

BUT ZDSGFASGHFKJDHADSKJFHJSSC YAY!
:DDDDDDDD


okay so ive been tagged.
ahh its a pain.
but WAAH IM HAPPY ITS YOUR LUCKY DAY
:D


Eight Simple facts about me:
1) im very hyper.MOST of the time.
2)i LOVE hajmolas.
3)i am bipolar.
4)MERCURY!
5) i wont tell you.
6)i look my age NOT.
7)i am bad at expressing things.TERRIBLE more like. but sdfhskjdfhjdhfkjdsfs helps. a LOT.
8) i HATE the number 8. and AM a number 8. numerology anyone? and i love superman. not the movie guys.the real superman. there is only ONE real superman and thats SUPERMAN!superman can do anything. he can also kill tanks.and his cape is apple red and i LOVE APPLES!<3> and i love koalas. they are so :D!and love pigs also.msn is good too, no?and i want to get married to the moon.and well music is me. so im not talking about it. semicolons i love too.



....
uh i know it wasnt supposed to be another "about me"
BUT WIASIHDSfhkajsDF!




i tag LD and BEADYSEA and SHREYA DI and LUCIFER.
XD



oh and!
i have been told and have observed myself after looking at the mirror after a long long time that MY HAIR NOW RESEMBLES THAT OF JIM MORRISON'S!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111

:DDDDDDDDDDD

and my mom told me last night that my attitude and appearance is getting worser than that of mr. bean's.
how must i react to that? she expected me to feel insulted. heh.
:P

the.chicken.got.burnt.

plus, it was pretty hard to chew on it.
therefore, lunch couldn't have been great.
and it wasn't great.

and i still haven't figured what i should do my case study on. WHAT am i to do?
E.V.E. yes.
that Evil.Vile.Egregious. subject.
okay no its a good subject but only its enormously pissing to do them case studies.
=/
and in other news, our school students will not be allowed to participate in any competitive entertainment under which comes western music and dance ONLY.
quiz debate classical music classical dance sports everything is just alright. they all get the opportunity they all bag the certificates. but JUST because we wretched little creatures are not
good enough at the stuff they want us to be good at and want to do stuff we are actually good at, we will be treated like wretched little creatures.
so, we are wretched little creatures who need to be getting their noses rubbed raw at the grindstone with HEAPS of work (that i still know not of, and will remain blissfully ignorant about until right after I'm pushed into the cauldron full of hot boiling soup), and not getting any creative outlet.
HOW fair is THAT?
HOLYFAWKINGFAWK.
more than half the day is done. and im still clueless about the case study topic i must start planning to choose.
IM SO DOOMED.
WHERE IS MY DOOMEDNESSPARDNER?

Today's fortune:
Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you


orkut tells me THAT!
AND WHAT TIMING!
ask it to point it out to me, please.
D:

iWanttolive

which is like not even remotely possible.


song of the day: Black and Blue~counting crows.
Fading everything to black and blue
You look a lot like you
Shatter in the blink of an eye
You keep sailing right on through
Every time you say you're learning
You just look a lot like me
Pale under the blistering sky
White and red Black and blue
You've been waiting a long time
You've been waiting a long time
To fall down on your knees
Cut your hands
Cut yourself until you bleed
Fall asleep next to me
Wait for everyone to go away
And in a dimly lit room
where you've got nothing to hide
Say your goodbyes
Tell yourself we'll reada note that says
I'm sorry everyone
I'm tired of feeling nothing goodbye
Wash your face
Dry your eyes
Cause you've been waiting a long time
You've been waiting a long long time
To fall down on your knees
Cut your hands
Cut yourself until you bleed
But fall asleep next to me
Have a dream I'm falling down
On my face
Scrape my knees
Scrape my hands until they bleed
Cause you're fast asleep next to me
Next to me ..

out of reach..

whistling to the darkness
i am listning to my shadow
croon
its never ever full moon
anymore

sliding away
into my hiding place
once again
this loneliness is
making me sore

and that bird dont hear
my song
the dead tree its perched upon
could be my paradise

if only it wouldnt
fly away
at my sight..

would you stay
my nightingale?
would you stay if you saw me
fly to you

would you sing
to bring back the moon
would you just stay and
hear me croon?

or would you slide away
into your hiding place
and leave me staring at my
shadow's blackened eye...

..i wish everything wasnt just
different phases of illusions
then i could find my paradise
in you..