Friday, November 9, 2007

faack.

tell me whats wrong with me, someone.
FUCKING BLOCKS. MENTAL BLOCK AS LD RIGHTLY PUT IT.
and i have my exams from the 19th and all i do is sit and read random blogs, falling in love with strangers who have spelt out everything ive ever felt [or imagined or dreamt up or just subconsciously heard] in wordslikecomets -dies-
oh dont ask me.im like that. imprudent, if you know what i mean.
and i read the same effing blogs OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. no im not telling you which ones. goaway.
and sigh, its like everyone i know is getting a new camera ..some EVEN DSLRs!
ITS UNFAIR, YOU UNDERSTAND?
yeh jo world hai na world, ab se ismein do tarah ke log honge.ek, jinke paas acche cameras honge, are dusre, like me, who will continue to feel crippled and gagged due to the absense of a decent camera in their lives.
:'[
ok so now you go ahead and tell me im being all difficult, unreasonable, insensitive not thinking about half the population of our country who hardly get proper meals and all that crap and you get yourself thrown out of the window and into a gutter, i tell you.

and something needs to be done about my poverty stricken vocab.
maybe its just that i dont read AT ALL.and whatever bit i do, im so totally unable to retain and recollect when i really need to. now how dumbandstupidandlame do i sound? pathetic, i know.

and sneezing fits arent fun anymore, really.like there was a time when i would actually enjoy sneezing 2183892 times in a row...i was almost show-offy about the whole thing.. oh look look no-one-but-the-all-mighty-ship-can-survive-such-violent-sneezing-fits ..sorta thing.[again, im like that yes. sicklyweird. save your breath.] but now, its boring.and annoying.and the running nose doesnt help. why am i perpetually sick, will anyone explain that to me?
i think i need FRESH AIR. i need to feel less confined and shit, for one. that might have absolutely NOTHING to do with the dust allergy driven sneezing fits, but i think id be better off not feeling like a prisoner in my own head [ or in my house, for that matter :/ ]
-sigh-

and i dont understand my inability to put certain things to words. ok most things.imagine we're having this heated up discussion over a certain matter i really do feel strongly about, but when asked for an opinion, all i can manage is a shrug with ..god i cant explain now, can i? THAT is so dead lame that i feel like strangling myself with the filthiestandprickiest dragontail ever.it makes me seem/sound/feel stupid , like i am anyway. it might be that i really am not very conversant with the issue [which is the case more often than not] but i might have opinions? i might have SOMETHING to say which i just CANT because of the simple and delibitaing fact im not in very good terms with words?
gah words. i think im scared of em subconsciously.
:/
its not funny yknow stop sniggering already.

and parents.its amazing just how horrible it can get, staying with them.
i know it as i type out every word that i survive by leeching my parents in more than one way but I CANT HELP IT OK?
-sigh-
pelase dont comment. bleh.

and its not funny how i havent been able to make anyfuckingsongin AGES.
grr
im still sore from not being able to go for vibes and things continue to get worse thanks to the authorities at school.school.reminds me of the fact that its gonna reopen on the 12th. monday yes.fuck.
and i havent done NOTHING that we were suppossed to be submitting and i dont even KNOW what it is thats suppossed to be given in? ok yes one case study i have completed thanks to LD =D but i dont have no pictures for it and teh printer isnt working so all of you are welcome to go ahead and ask me why on earth are you cribbing about that? you can just go to a cafe and get printouts or something. yes. blah. shuddup. why? cant i even crib in peace?

ishq is gonna die the day i meet her next.i tell you she IS. not that you need to know that, like everything else i write in this shitpage.and gah, im so doomed that its not even funny.
smirk away, shravvy.

gah. i need some cookies.
and chlormints.
and lesser people telling me how i mustve gone out with mom instead of causing that horrid fight.
and i need more people who i can talk to/ connect to.
no wait. i need more ways to talk to the people i already can talk to.
[you wont get it unless youre one of them, so go away.]
and a hug.


AND A FUCKING CAMERA AND SOME RESPECTABLE COLOURS AND A WAY TO GET OUT OF THE BLOCK.
ARGH.

ps:yes i know i know i have a tag to do. a meme. will do when i can.
and defenestrate. i cannot afford to forget that word again.why? because i like it.

7 comments:

Shay said...

Um, it's good to rant.

Sayan said...

Defenestrate the insecurity/diffidence.
The window is in your brain.It also can be your arse,who knows?
You know.
(I just know that I taught you the word) Heh.

Yes,yes,no,sorry,I should let the little girl whine. Faack?

Pranayam?I'm not even joking.

Knowledge is power. Ah.

Go,explode. Wait,didn't I mean explore?
Ding-a-ding-a-ling-a-bing.

Swarnadeep Chatterjee said...

First thing first. I do think that you really-Really need some fresh air.

About the 'expressing your ideas' thing, you seem to do it quite well. Seriously.

And Monday is a bandh. Almost all parties called. So, don't expect school.

And i enjoy smeezing too. But not quite some 2 million times a row. :P

Lucid Darkness said...

You have me on your crush list and hot list. Whahahahahahaha.
*dies*
Won't you tell me which blogs you read over and over again? Pretty please?

Oh and about cameras. Hmm. Well, the less said the better. All I can say is that I'll be joining you in the latter category.

Coughing and sneezing fits just aren't what they used to be. It's heartbreaking. I know the feeling so well.
*dramatic sigh*
And no, I was not being sarcastic. I am not ALWAYS sarcastic, you know.

I think that this rant helped you. A teensie weensie (I can't believe that I am using such a girly-girl expression - what is happening to me? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!1111, but I digress...) bit at least. This way, you're getting a bit of fresh air inside your imaginary world, aren't you? Good for you.

Hmmm. Words. Lately, they haven't been my friends either. I have to force them out of me just so that their reticence does not become permanent. Speaking of opinions, I am scared of mine. Whahahahaah. Ironic, right? :P One thing's clear though... we be the cloneses.

Thou hast not lost thy touch with rants.

*hug*

soumi said...

im so doomed that its not even funny.
'



you absolutely NEED to stop stealing my phrases.
okay?

the one who must be named. someday. said...

1)hug
2)colours are at my place. come get it.
3)went to vibes.in fact, was very very disappointing. wasnt very good. so cheer up.
4)picasaweb.google.com/phukez. thats my page. go check out the pictures. I got a SLR. thats mean, I know, but i gotta be mean sometimes, no? but cheer up, its a hand-me down from my dad.
5) and shut the hell up about words. You can rant, on a blog. with much flowing of words. thats brilliance, I say. So, shut the fuck up.

hug, hug, hug, u mad kid.

Aneesh said...

weird..
but good weird.
liked that.
And don't worry about cameras, there're too many on your side( the ones who do not have decent cameras, me for one).