Saturday, June 30, 2007

[: milligramofhappynews :]

yes. YES I HAVE CABLE INTERNET CONNECTION NOW YAYAYAY!ah sucked having dail up for all these months but now YAY!

but. my LAPTOP is GAY. it will NOT allow me into youtube AND NOT ALLOW THIS STUPID FLASH PLAYER TO GET INSTALLED AND SO I HATE watching vids :[

and what more? this more.
our school. well, BILAMS has decided to be uberkind and sponser our [class 11 and 12's] optional courses for fashion designing or graphic designing.


DO YOU GET THAT? BILAMS!THAT 2 YEAR COURSE! YEAH! so now i wont have to take those useless shitty S.U.P.W. classes but instead indulge in more productive graphic designing shit!and in the end,i dunna, get some certificate which will make it worth the while!
well i dont much know about much of how its gonna help, but this is some serious vocational course kinda thingy and so we get this at school and we are the first batch who are this luckyjhsdhakjsdfhkjfa!
yeah so ive always wanted this. and so. well yeah. so well. YEAH!
im great with words i know

Friday, June 29, 2007



and HAH i wont even utter a WORD about happiness again.

and its sometimes so annoying to feel like i feel now that its heartbreaking and GROWL I DONT KNOW GO AWAY!

yes i crave for attention.
but you can get lost.

but maybe i dont.
its just pissing to even try to figure myself out.

Thursday, June 28, 2007


and i wont tell you why im happy. happiness gets jinxed fast if i tell.


okay so ive been tagged.
ahh its a pain.

Eight Simple facts about me:
1) im very hyper.MOST of the time.
2)i LOVE hajmolas.
3)i am bipolar.
5) i wont tell you.
6)i look my age NOT.
7)i am bad at expressing things.TERRIBLE more like. but sdfhskjdfhjdhfkjdsfs helps. a LOT.
8) i HATE the number 8. and AM a number 8. numerology anyone? and i love superman. not the movie guys.the real superman. there is only ONE real superman and thats SUPERMAN!superman can do anything. he can also kill tanks.and his cape is apple red and i LOVE APPLES!<3> and i love koalas. they are so :D!and love pigs also.msn is good too, no?and i want to get married to the moon.and well music is me. so im not talking about it. semicolons i love too.

uh i know it wasnt supposed to be another "about me"


oh and!
i have been told and have observed myself after looking at the mirror after a long long time that MY HAIR NOW RESEMBLES THAT OF JIM MORRISON'S!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111


and my mom told me last night that my attitude and appearance is getting worser than that of mr. bean's.
how must i react to that? she expected me to feel insulted. heh.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

plus, it was pretty hard to chew on it.
therefore, lunch couldn't have been great.
and it wasn't great.

and i still haven't figured what i should do my case study on. WHAT am i to do?
E.V.E. yes.
that Evil.Vile.Egregious. subject.
okay no its a good subject but only its enormously pissing to do them case studies.
and in other news, our school students will not be allowed to participate in any competitive entertainment under which comes western music and dance ONLY.
quiz debate classical music classical dance sports everything is just alright. they all get the opportunity they all bag the certificates. but JUST because we wretched little creatures are not
good enough at the stuff they want us to be good at and want to do stuff we are actually good at, we will be treated like wretched little creatures.
so, we are wretched little creatures who need to be getting their noses rubbed raw at the grindstone with HEAPS of work (that i still know not of, and will remain blissfully ignorant about until right after I'm pushed into the cauldron full of hot boiling soup), and not getting any creative outlet.
HOW fair is THAT?
more than half the day is done. and im still clueless about the case study topic i must start planning to choose.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Today's fortune:
Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you

orkut tells me THAT!
ask it to point it out to me, please.


which is like not even remotely possible.

song of the day: Black and Blue~counting crows.
Fading everything to black and blue
You look a lot like you
Shatter in the blink of an eye
You keep sailing right on through
Every time you say you're learning
You just look a lot like me
Pale under the blistering sky
White and red Black and blue
You've been waiting a long time
You've been waiting a long time
To fall down on your knees
Cut your hands
Cut yourself until you bleed
Fall asleep next to me
Wait for everyone to go away
And in a dimly lit room
where you've got nothing to hide
Say your goodbyes
Tell yourself we'll reada note that says
I'm sorry everyone
I'm tired of feeling nothing goodbye
Wash your face
Dry your eyes
Cause you've been waiting a long time
You've been waiting a long long time
To fall down on your knees
Cut your hands
Cut yourself until you bleed
But fall asleep next to me
Have a dream I'm falling down
On my face
Scrape my knees
Scrape my hands until they bleed
Cause you're fast asleep next to me
Next to me ..

Friday, June 22, 2007

out of reach..

whistling to the darkness
i am listning to my shadow
its never ever full moon

sliding away
into my hiding place
once again
this loneliness is
making me sore

and that bird dont hear
my song
the dead tree its perched upon
could be my paradise

if only it wouldnt
fly away
at my sight..

would you stay
my nightingale?
would you stay if you saw me
fly to you

would you sing
to bring back the moon
would you just stay and
hear me croon?

or would you slide away
into your hiding place
and leave me staring at my
shadow's blackened eye...

..i wish everything wasnt just
different phases of illusions
then i could find my paradise
in you..
so i was so busy hating everything that i didnt get to blog much.
i still am busy hating everything. with added vigour after yesterday, to tell you the truth.
but anyway.
things are pathetic. as always. but i finally have cable tv. what fun, no? NO.
and the worst part is, nomatter how hard i try, i cannot write my kind of write.
did i mention i hate everything including my stomach which refuses to cheer up?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

dying beauty..




the music singes my soul
but it doesnt burn me out
burn me out now
im so lost inside my head

just like the words
that beg for wings
and wish to fly away
but these headstrings
wind them tight
and trapped they remain

and dead flowers slip into my head
and its raining inside
its like the summer song
that melts the winter away
and its always raining

but it doesnt wash me out..
wash away the fragments
of the me i've never seen..
of the me i've always been..
im so lost inside my head

the dead flowers smell of rain
the summer and the pain
the snowflakes and the clouds
and the music
are all illusions
are they illusions?

and they spin along
with my head
i dont like this roundabout

wash me over
burn me out
just let me down this roundabout
and i will never try
to step into the mirror
and i wont ever
try to look at me again

i wish i could just
let all the words fly away
with pieces of myself
i never found

but these headstrings
wind them tight
and keep them trapped.

Monday, June 11, 2007


so back i am to kol. how great.

siliguri felt so like home. it felt like i was back there after a short vacation or something. not much has changed. no i take that back. NOTHING has changed. except for the mahananda which seems to have dried up a little more.and miraculously, the distillery smell that we always used enjoy on the way to school seems to have vanished. how nice not. :P
we stayed at the ioc guest house and well, i liked it not to say the least.but the restaurants, the food, momo, tai waah, vainayak hotel and everything was YAY!:D
siliguri felt a little boring for the first time during the last three days. not because of the people, not. because of lack of places to just hang out and chill. no ccd no kfc no bigbazaar even. no roll centres at every other corner of the street. so we walked around a lot. yes, i met most of my friends. and mostly, it was me ashish and dinchen accompanied either by deepika or mona, and we walked around the whole place and blamed each other for wasting each other's time and not having a solid plan.haha dinchen wouldnt utter a word tho. what a decent and quiet lil child. ^_^
yeah so. we went karting, which was fun loads. the speed makes you lose it completely. XD
and we went to the mela, where ash had this stupid mood swing and left. git. im gonna beat him to pulp the day i meet him next. mark my words.
and mona. MONA HAS LONG HAIR NOW! yes yes.miss moliba looks a stunner. and sounds angelic. she is the school captain too now.
how verily i be the missing her. and srijana [i cudnt even spend much time with her thanks to her stupid school]. and bhums. and everyone else.
and we went to chaata's place. lol. and guitared a bit. i hear he be drumming now.
and here is the best bit.
Melody and Co. will always remember us.
we entered the instrument shop, asked em to show us around, checked out a few guitars and played for almost ages. and promised to be back today [ sunday closed eh? lets make it monday 8 o'clock then ], pretending to be really interested in buying this reddish acoustic with some weird local name for the beginner mr. ashish. wahaha and they almost thought we were about to buy it right then.
and the worst bit. i took the camera, charged the batteries 3 full times, and all the pictures i ever took back there were of almost dead trees.
YES I AM INSANE. i forgot to take pictures of my friends yes. shoot me.

man, ill miss that place.
now whenever i look into the mirror, i cry. because i am reminded of that place. and the people. especially the woman who gave me this haircut which makes me look awful now.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007


shriparna --



'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at


You mostly resemble Axle Rose

You always want to be the center of attention, and if things don’t go your way, then you just walk away from the situation. You are very talented, but sometimes you let it get to your head.

Take this quiz at

'What will your obituary say?' at

awww *sob sob*

Take this quiz at

You have a sexual hidden talent

You have a sexual hidden talent. You might not look it but you are a dynamo in bed. Most of your lovers think that it is from years of practice, but really, you were just born with it.

Take this quiz at

i just wanted to know what my hidden talent was.

im so sure they LIE.

turn to look at me
i dont care if it hurts
tilt your head enough
to make me fall in love
with your shadowy smile
i dont care if it hurts
just dont leave me facing an empty mirror

do you see me?

i tinker with your words
the words you use
to conjure up a painful silence from
just take my hand
and let me fall asleep again
as you hold me close
under the dead sky

i dont want to face an empty mirror
dont make me alien to my own eyes

just look at me now

and you can leave when this night is done
cause the moon aint here to save me tonight
you can leave when im done breathing
and take with you the taste of my lost life

Monday, June 4, 2007

.sing to me.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

i wake up to your silence
but i feel like this quiet is on the wane
and i hope
i think i hear your heart buzz
and beat a new beat

will you sing me a song now?
oh melancholy baby
sing to me, please
you know it too
the silence wont do
sing it out slow..
as each note grazes my scarred heart
sing softly to me
so i can hear the rhythm of your new heartbeat
sing it out so loud
that the echo of my emptiness drowns...
fades out..
sing to me
and my moody eyes will never stop caressing
your lips that dance
in sweet progression
let the hour glass melt away with time
as i find myself losing myself
in the melodic web you spin
let go of the silence that kills
and watch me dancing within
oh.. sing to me
your melange of feelings
as we take a round trip
down the road ahead

and return
to this moment you can sing to me again

and so they say:

You Are a Drama Queen (or King)

And the oscar goes to... you!
You're all about overreacting and just plain acting.
You see the world as your stage, and give a great performance.

And while you're friends may find you entertaining at times...
Everyone's secretly hoping that you'll just chill a little.
(But they'd never tell you - they fear your wrath!)

You Are 92% Non Conformist

You're incredibly strange. And a weirdness like yours takes skill to cultivate!
No one really understands you. And you're cool with that. You just hope you never have to understand them!

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.
You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.
You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.
And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

Your Personality Profile

You are funky, outdoorsy, and down to earth.
While you may not be a total hippie...
You're definitely one of the most free spirited people around.

You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure.
However, you do put some thought behind all your actions.
Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time!

You Are 10 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.
That doesn't mean you don't rock out...
You just rock out with meaning.
For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.


Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.
You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.

You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.
You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.

Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.
Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

i knew it again.

Your Halloween Costume Should Be



Your Mind is 81% Cluttered

Your mind is incredibly cluttered. You have so much going on in there, it's hard to think straight.
Consider talking to a therapist. It's a good idea to sort through your thoughts, if only to see which ones are worth hanging on to.


You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that.
People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts.
You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you.
People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.

You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well.

At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn.

Your Fixation: Envy

Your Primary Fear: To have no identity

Your Primary Desire: To find yourself

Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

i lobe the other number 4s and feeli great to be one

You Would Be a Pet Cat

Independent and aloof, you don't like to be dependent on anyone.
And as for other people, you can take them or leave them. You often don't care.
You live your life by your own rules. And you have deep motivations that no one truly understands.

Why you would make a great pet: You're not needy or greedy... unlike other four legged friends.

Why you would make a bad pet: You're not exactly running down to greet people at the door

What you would love about being a cat: Agility and freedom

What you would hate about being a cat: Being treated like a dog by clueless humans

[call me POO if was to be your pet cat hahajhjkkf;]


arent they like SO right?


im not all that pissed anymore. although not having broadband [STILL!!!!] kinda sucks. oh no i take that SUCKS BIG.I HATE IT. MEGA HATE.i dont understand parents. they are just jbgfkjdgkjdgkjsgkjdkgjdkjgg.

apart from that, things are pretty alright.i guess.
like, i got manymany lotsof chocolates yesterday, and played with this ubercute 2 year old. what phun! ^_^
it was sanghita's cousin. awww he was like so very cute!we played with toycars and this minuscule fighter plane and i dedicated most of my time and energy in making him pronounce "plane", which he failed to do anyway.the closest he could get was "apane" or "pane".
and i'd go "awwww!"
and when i grow up and become a big girl, nono,a big woman, i will have a kid like him.:DDDD or adopt. not much of a difference.i like the idea of the latter better.
haha i lobe babies.*hugebiggrin* while they are still babies. i want a bonsai baby.i want i want.
mommy! :'[

i want a cute 2 year old cousin now. THIS INSTANT. a cousin who does not try to rob all my colours/cars/cassettes/colourfulrubbers/etc away or tries making jhaalmuri out of my books.
but gah.2 year old babies are impossible to be produced at such short notice.
im sick. yes.

even literally.i cant stop sneezing.i just sneeze and sneeze and sneeze away all day.dust allergy, light allergy, dark allergy, wind allergy heat allergy cold allergy food allergy hunger allergy and what not. allergy is evil.
EVIL.and i dont even know if i spelt it [allergy?] right.bleh.

ill meet my old friends and shop and shop and shop a lot more.
and ill hog.
ahh but shame school isnt on now. the school there i mean. or i could go meet EVERYONE i know. and and and :'[
i miss that school.
now if you excuse me, i need to go get some tissue papers.