yes?

yes i'm an open book,baby
with not a single written word...

or maybe im just illegible

but i could be the magic
if only you were the wand

or maybe its just a lie

you dont exist
its all just a.. blur

djhfjdsf;
that thing in my hand looks like a tiny palm no? :D
its a coral or that sorta thing dadgotfromportblair
maketh me feeli like i havs ahandinmine

and.
*ahem*
lemmeclarifythelastpostitwasaboutmegoingintoaspellofdepressionafter
ihadadepressingdreamaboutsupermanandloisyeslaughallyouwant.


AND LD!!!
*pointsatherandlaughs* rjhjkegrt

you know when the trouble begins?
when you start reading too much into things and you read it right and that makes everything go wrong for you.i just re-realized.
it would be much better if we could get back to being little girls in pink dresses with pet dolls and toy soldiers and fall in love with every other passerby without expecting to be loved back, no?

i NEVER was a littlegirlinPINKdress
NEVER played with dolls.
but I've always fallen in love with strangers...

and i don't regret it.
its funny how i have no regrets.
and sometimes its a good thing.

i give up. for the greater good.
wahahahha no actually, just because thats all i can do.
notgivinguponloving,no.

now if this is making me nearly cry , it MUST have been strong.
:']

i have a good strong psyche.

ofacousticdreams by ~weevilgirl on deviantART



oh well goes with the poem kinda, no?
^_^
what a perfect way to waste time and paper and energy and colours and..blah.
i dont have enough colours or skills.
:[
my silver pen got losted.
:[[
and yes the stars are different coloured you are entitled to laugh.
:P

.bullhappensandshithappens.

i will never, i say, NEVER sing zombie again anywhere in public.
yes i know that's how people started noticing me in the first place, that song.
but now, never.
i mean, i have successfully proved to myself [and to a few more people too] that i am unable to deliver it even close to satisfactorily thanks to my nerves.YES.
first, Pu saw the video of my most disastrous zombie singing ever [i sang with a high fever and *ahem* upsetstomachyes and was feeling like i'll collapse any moment none of this is naanchnajaaneaanganteda shit but you can believe so how would it matter i cant possibly prove you wrong anymore] AND THEN SHE HEARDMESINGITCONSTIPATEDLYRIGHTINFRONTOFHERANDISTOPPED
SINGINGMIDWAYBECAUSEMYHANDSANDLEGSANDMYFUCKINGVOICE
WASSHAKINGLIKEAFEATHERRESTINGONAPINPOINT.
NERVES.YES.

/:


i dislike myself.yes ive been reminded many times this week that the word hate is too strong therefore i used dislike but WTF IHATEITMAN.
*sigh*

oh yes im doing this just to add some melodrama to my verily drab life.nothing much has been up. apart from me not being allowed to go for LD's birthday for no reason, not being allowed to talk on the phone and such, not being allowed to sit where i like sitting, not being allowed to drink water the way i want to drink, and to have chlormints.
AND to sing so much [because, im told, it accentuates the gastric problems if i sing with an empty stomach and well yes my stomach is apparently always empty] please laugh or cry or die or walk away or whatfuckingever i couldn't care less at the moment i have no lack in life to be noticing you thank you very much.
my stomach is hurting and my fingertips are sore from playing too much. my guitar needs help. strings need changing, tension needs to be increased, and the BAND NEEDS TO BE FOUND OUT. or maybe i need to get another one.ohwellilovemyguitar:D.ihavent found ONE person so far who owns a better acoustic.
sdhsjafd; well yes i may suck but my guitar dont. *smugsmile*
and school tommorow again *sigh*
well atleast i dont have to go for the debate.THANKGOD.icanNOT debate.i fumble while speaking my name on the microphone and you are asking me to go for public speaking? mental, i tell you, whoever was trying to send me.oh well now the reputation of the school is spared.

yes the school not MY school.
:/
nevermind again.

and i am the youngest member of our band and im the only guitarist [sofar] and its almost scary.almost VERY scary.
but well ive so wanted this for so long man i couldnt care less about how badly i suck unless im grabbed by the collar and yelled at by the band members.
:P
which will happen only if i dont make an effort to improve and OF COURSE ID DO ANYTHING TO IMPROVE.
:D
so well.


IMNOTGOINGTOBEABLETOGOFORTHEBLOGMEETWTF
butwellitsallgoodaleastiwontberemindedofhowuberlystupidand
unsociableiam.

you run around in circles
and draw the lines you love to cross
feel the wind on your face
dry your eyes
you smile at the distant sound
of laughter
and suddenly break down
break down
and start spinning in your mind

lonely smiles carved out of stone
you are
sunny tears carved out of stone


you dont have to belong
to the stone that you're carved out from
yet you will always belong
to me

sink into yourself
again when you cant
hide from who you are
see through the looking glass
reach out just enough
and im not very far

and as you
smile at the distant sounds
and feel like you're breaking down
you bury yourself in the arms
of another dream
woven out of my fantasies

melting ice carved out of snow
you are
fluid love carved out of stone

you never belonged
to the stone you were carved out from
yet you're so very strong
you amaze me
i guess its not very long
before i discover all of you
but when i look inside
sometimes you faze me









........................................................



oh well its a SONG!!!! YES I GOT A SONG AFTER AGES!!12YU132312!
[got=composed]
okay i forgot bits of it already cuz i started singingandplaying mmy sacrifice while i was on teh tune so bleh
but im SO GONNA GET THE TUNE BACK.

and well it may suck BUTSOWHATASGHKHF!
but it does not suck so STFU
=P

oh well my grandpa expired yesterday at 5:10 pm.
and he took two of my bedsheets away with him [the ones he'd been using for the past 6 bedridden months] and left behind his torch, his pens and pencils and everything else that he never managed to find on his own.
the last time he spoke to me was when he vaguely got the idea that i had passed my board exams with what they call good marks. and people thought he coudnt understand a thing they were saying? he called me from the other room in his then-coarse voice...i somehow knew he was calling me. and then, after a few many mintues of trying to let it out, all he could manage was squeeze my palm and say "good good good" [in english yeah].
and then i didnt visit him again.[until last night, if you think that counts]
thank god.
:]

bubbleburstsandshit

what happens when the cloud you had so lovingly chosen to climb upon and sit on suddenly decides that it will not tolerate your stinky ass anywhere around it anylonger and rains down instead?you fall. and break for the umpteenth time and cant remember whether this is how breaking should feel.
and when the bubble bursts and the void from inside of it spreads all around and smothers you?you cant see.you cant fucking open your eyes to the fact that you were/are stupid.plain stupid and you can do nothing about it.
and all you CAN do is get back to the coldandwithdrawn self that you are when you are not being a sticky lump of gooey shit that sucks up to anyone within reach even when they are obviously hoping that it starts raining and you run indoors while they can blissfully get soaked in the rain and get the pleasure out of imagining pinning you down to the ground and slapping the fuck out of you for being a saccharine lump of suffocating shit.

so what you do is, pretend that your life is perfectly alright with its non existance.

boatgirl

boatgirl by ~weevilgirl on deviantART

she sets the sun ablaze with her stare

and as the smell of stars chokes up the air

the wind blows on in purple gusts

and the grass puts on a coat of rust

...she turns away from her reflection

projected by the bruised sun...

dead trees red seas and bright blue curls

she melts away as her tale unfurls

------------------------------------------------

yes i know I FUCKED IT UP BIG

and i KNOW i have no right to mutilate beautiful sheets of white paper like this but gah.

but , fullview it makes it look better.

titledrambling.

my mom was considering marrying me off to an autodriver whose mom she met at a fishmarket.
his mom asked my mom if she had a "meyer shondhan".
no really.

shravvy:stop being so paranoidly jealous.
PARANOID? I CAN SEE IT HAPPENING RIGHT UNDERMYNOSE [andrightundermypsyche] AND IM FLUNKING ECO AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS AS TERRIBLE A THING AS MURDER AND THE EDUCATION SYSTEM NEEDS TO TAKE A HIKE AND COCKROACHES LOVE SINKS.
and you thought it was frustration? eight years i guess.

presenting...

and they make love, not war.
they follow RAWRY'S law of warship, yes.

today.

its friendship day.

...

*cries*

well happy friendship day to all anyway.

therearetimeswhenyouwanttostrangleyourselfandpulloutyourinsidesburntheminabonfireandwishthemayfliesgetfeededontheashesandripteakkillyouroutsidesfornoreasonorsomereasonoralotofreasonsoryoudontknow.
this is one such time for me;

semicolons never fail to poke me in the funnybone, though.
;

AND IN CASE YOU DIDNT KNOW THE FUNNY BONE GETTING HURTED FUCKING HURTS.