How to wake up and kill yourself

in the dream this is an essay on your attempts to get off the sofa.in the essay you are saying you'll never be caught dead in the basement. in the basement there are closets with pictures of madonna stuck on the doors. inside a closet which no one looks into, there's a blue box of junk but no one knows about it. in the box, that locked up little forgotten box, lies a blade which is surprisingly very sharp.
get off the sofa and kill yourself.

(this is the best thing i've written in my life so far. i want print it out and stick it on all closet doors of the world. help me in my endeavor, or get off the chair and kill me.)