17+ and more?

fuckmanthingsarehappeningsofastandijdsklfjklicajshkfjhfuckmanjdfafiwantedsobadkahfkahfkjandsdfkandkdskjahfjwhatthefuck?
I WANT AND I GET AND I RUN AWAY AND I STAY PASSIVE AND LET IT ALL PASS ME BY? I WANT SOME PERMANENCE GODDAMMIT.
YOU UNDERSTAND HYSTERIA?
fuck
xDDDDD
but WHY cant i stop grinning?
oh no this is not good this is either effing awesome or the hugest disaster ever and its not fair how some people can be so good with words that it creates a fucking vacuum insideyourribcagecausethetinylumptrappedinsideitslightlytothelefthassuddenly
leftitsplaceandjumpeduptothethroattochokeyou.

the balcony; and it was dark
and i had stepped back at that moment
the dream was ripe.

lost since then
fallen out and strangers in the mist

and in the midst of a thousand different,
fashionable silhouettes
with hidden eyes, and magnets
lost? and blotted out..

crooked lines and a laugh or two
dipped in coffee or milk
or a few surface notes;chords
once in seven months and weeks i don't count

and today
some sentences in the poetry book
and the ants somewhere disturbing
make remember
of an unrecalled existence

and of a time
when
i stepped back and you vanished.

=P

yesterevening:

me: [on the phone with puchi] oh fuck i dont even remember..!
dad:[ YES HE WAS RIGHT IN FRONTA ME] oh fuck? what oh fuck? >:/
me: er, nothing. yes so pujita, im doomed did you know?

xPPP
that would be the third time i yelled out that fucking word infronta dad loudandclearly varyvary and the first time he showed SOME reaction.
where are the forks when we need to use em the most? forgotten
:P

english literature exam tommorow
:/
so well yes ill use that word again DOOMED I AM FUCKING DOOMED

and im so proud of my last post that i want more comments
blwaahajhjdkshjhkjsd;

ebb

when the glint is fresh

spreading out the soul
is always easy
like taking in
an oceanfull of stars

although
a tincture of defeat is
what settles in
when their venom is grilled

folded up, then
the ocean is just bitter spit

the inside of the head forgets to speak
or lay cushions in the right places

then
caught in the mesh
and iced
i wait for you to crash
onto my left palm

faack.

tell me whats wrong with me, someone.
FUCKING BLOCKS. MENTAL BLOCK AS LD RIGHTLY PUT IT.
and i have my exams from the 19th and all i do is sit and read random blogs, falling in love with strangers who have spelt out everything ive ever felt [or imagined or dreamt up or just subconsciously heard] in wordslikecomets -dies-
oh dont ask me.im like that. imprudent, if you know what i mean.
and i read the same effing blogs OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. no im not telling you which ones. goaway.
and sigh, its like everyone i know is getting a new camera ..some EVEN DSLRs!
ITS UNFAIR, YOU UNDERSTAND?
yeh jo world hai na world, ab se ismein do tarah ke log honge.ek, jinke paas acche cameras honge, are dusre, like me, who will continue to feel crippled and gagged due to the absense of a decent camera in their lives.
:'[
ok so now you go ahead and tell me im being all difficult, unreasonable, insensitive not thinking about half the population of our country who hardly get proper meals and all that crap and you get yourself thrown out of the window and into a gutter, i tell you.

and something needs to be done about my poverty stricken vocab.
maybe its just that i dont read AT ALL.and whatever bit i do, im so totally unable to retain and recollect when i really need to. now how dumbandstupidandlame do i sound? pathetic, i know.

and sneezing fits arent fun anymore, really.like there was a time when i would actually enjoy sneezing 2183892 times in a row...i was almost show-offy about the whole thing.. oh look look no-one-but-the-all-mighty-ship-can-survive-such-violent-sneezing-fits ..sorta thing.[again, im like that yes. sicklyweird. save your breath.] but now, its boring.and annoying.and the running nose doesnt help. why am i perpetually sick, will anyone explain that to me?
i think i need FRESH AIR. i need to feel less confined and shit, for one. that might have absolutely NOTHING to do with the dust allergy driven sneezing fits, but i think id be better off not feeling like a prisoner in my own head [ or in my house, for that matter :/ ]
-sigh-

and i dont understand my inability to put certain things to words. ok most things.imagine we're having this heated up discussion over a certain matter i really do feel strongly about, but when asked for an opinion, all i can manage is a shrug with ..god i cant explain now, can i? THAT is so dead lame that i feel like strangling myself with the filthiestandprickiest dragontail ever.it makes me seem/sound/feel stupid , like i am anyway. it might be that i really am not very conversant with the issue [which is the case more often than not] but i might have opinions? i might have SOMETHING to say which i just CANT because of the simple and delibitaing fact im not in very good terms with words?
gah words. i think im scared of em subconsciously.
:/
its not funny yknow stop sniggering already.

and parents.its amazing just how horrible it can get, staying with them.
i know it as i type out every word that i survive by leeching my parents in more than one way but I CANT HELP IT OK?
-sigh-
pelase dont comment. bleh.

and its not funny how i havent been able to make anyfuckingsongin AGES.
grr
im still sore from not being able to go for vibes and things continue to get worse thanks to the authorities at school.school.reminds me of the fact that its gonna reopen on the 12th. monday yes.fuck.
and i havent done NOTHING that we were suppossed to be submitting and i dont even KNOW what it is thats suppossed to be given in? ok yes one case study i have completed thanks to LD =D but i dont have no pictures for it and teh printer isnt working so all of you are welcome to go ahead and ask me why on earth are you cribbing about that? you can just go to a cafe and get printouts or something. yes. blah. shuddup. why? cant i even crib in peace?

ishq is gonna die the day i meet her next.i tell you she IS. not that you need to know that, like everything else i write in this shitpage.and gah, im so doomed that its not even funny.
smirk away, shravvy.

gah. i need some cookies.
and chlormints.
and lesser people telling me how i mustve gone out with mom instead of causing that horrid fight.
and i need more people who i can talk to/ connect to.
no wait. i need more ways to talk to the people i already can talk to.
[you wont get it unless youre one of them, so go away.]
and a hug.


AND A FUCKING CAMERA AND SOME RESPECTABLE COLOURS AND A WAY TO GET OUT OF THE BLOCK.
ARGH.

ps:yes i know i know i have a tag to do. a meme. will do when i can.
and defenestrate. i cannot afford to forget that word again.why? because i like it.

hahaha

tring tring.
shay: "ssup?"
ship: "i can't talk right now."
shay: "fuck you."

after 5 seconds.
tring tring.
shay: "sorry i said fuck you"
ship: "it's alright. i'm in a..erm..tuition"
shay: "okay bbye"

after 10 seconds.
shay: "you take tuition?"
ship: "yeah, second day"
shay: "sayan?"
ship: "no wtf?"
shay: "oh ok bbye"

LMAO
and those were STD calls by the way.

and english tutions, by the way. more of fun sessions. with bricky. yes. anyone who thinks i dont need english tutions can shut up.

vpwoman:" that short girl has such a powerful voice! and she's so tiny i thought..."

SO THATS AN INDICATION FOR YOU TO STOP THINKING SO MUCH, WOMAN.
*smug straight face*

andmydearinceywinceyprincyyouneedtodie.YOUUNDERSTAND?DIE.

do not generalize.

Sayan:
[something you dont want to read and i dont want to post]
Sukrita's turtle says:
...
Sukrita's turtle says:
im nt gonna say anything
.ship. says:
...
.ship. says:
men=no words.
Sayan says:
the thing is..DO NOT EVER GENERALIZE
Sukrita's turtle says:
HOW CAN WE NOT WHEN YOU ARE ALL SO ALIKE
Sukrita's turtle says:
GOD SHIP HELP ME OUT HERE
.ship. says:
no. i dont like to talk much.
Sayan says:
men don't notice the subtle side of things. period
Sayan says:
men are brash.period
Sukrita's turtle says:
men don't notice. period.
Sukrita's turtle says:
men are dumb. period.
Sayan says:
women are dumb.period
Sukrita's turtle says:
at least we're subtle about it :P
Sayan says:
yeah,that's the worst part
Sukrita's turtle says:
you are just IN YOUR FACE dumb.




...
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAJHJKSHADKJHJSDKSDGgsdhSD;

someday..

ill live my story.

ill build a river with the water flowing through it
too liquid to be scary, to fluid to be stagnant
ill build a river and its bank
like a plateau wrapped in autumn
and spring in bits
where the grass will write songs and the air shall
dance in harmony with the tune spitted out by transparent clouds

we'll have stars to stare at

ill get my wings unfolded every stormy night
and at other times
when my feet are not engaged in schmoosing
the innocence of wilderness

we really will have some ground and a sky

then, i will be able to recall
every word my eye has ever lain on
though it wont be required nomore.
only the vision will matter then
and a few more senses..

and you

the music will never stop, then.
vacillate, maybe, but not halt
and then my fingers will slowly
turn all the more nimble
and skilled like none other

and there will be kites to fly

someday
ill build my river and your bank
and everything else
and then
the pipe dreams and all these things that mean nothing
will make sense

someday ill make the songs stop sounding like
prayers that fade away into the dreary night.
someday these warped mirrors will sonorously reflect
every living bit of me ..
and you with them.
someday, i'll make sure you exist.

and we'll live.


----------------------------------

and i swear im laughing at this shit
wahahhahajkhksa; its just writing at its crappiest :P

BITCH

i wish i could curse you just as much as you deserve to be cursed.
hah but i do pity you just as much as you deserve to be pitied.