you know whats sad?
EVERYTHING.
but whats saddest is that apparently, shravanthi will HAVE to move to blore.
i dont be-LIEVE this.
/:


i mean, she was the only, should i say, (even if its just remotely )LIKEME friend i had here.
i mean, like, in terms of craziness and randomity and doomedness and other shit.
now i will have no one to torment with tales of beautiful leggy butterflies.
or flying cockroaches.
or discuss frozencorn or juices or cupboard doors over the phone.
or STUDY over the fone during board exams.


phhbbbbbbbbbbbt.

its plain ANNOYING.
i feel like being selfish and wishing she has to come back.
but again, i cant bring myself to do just that.
her sister and parents and her new flat with the bluecupboardoor need her too.

this is UNFAIR.
you understand unfair? unfookingfair.
:/

anyway. one good thing about this is that she will be away from my bad influence. and wont have to wanna get another 3 piercings on her ears and start calling herself shravanthini.
hahahajhjhkjhkkjkjlkj;


but i HATE her. she gets to bee in blore.
where the rock circuit is so so much better.
and she says all her sister's friends are in bands.

OH HOW I HATE HER.
and oh how i will miss her.
:'[


she was becoming mai baast fraand hear.
wierdly.
she was the first one to know about my recent...erm...infatuation (ohhowihatetosaythis)
withot me having to tell her.
and all that.
and i could discuss all the things with her that the other would only call me a freak for wanting to talk about.they have other talkable things to talk about yknow.
but i love them all.

and i HATE this.



bleh.
and i know it will be stoled again.

}:

i lobe shravaaasthi

open window

that night..
i did not sleep
i did not weep
i did not write
just felt...


the swishing curtains don't let me sleep tonight
and the open window welcomes the wind inside
my private territory of opaque thoughts and feelings
its singing your name, the wind
ringing inside my head, your name,
your voice, so stark in my memory

the astral patterns in the sky
have a queer story to tell
does it resound in your world
as it does in mine?
can you decipher their intricacies?
or is it just a two way mirror
where i see through, and you just see you?

the moon and the clouds are playing
hide and seek and hide...
eclipsing the tide of moonlight
aaaah..the sweet moonlight!
i want to breathe it in
cause maybe you are breathing it out right now
or maybe its just touching you softly and
coming my way?
ill breathe it in, either way

i close my eyes to see your face
yes, i see you again
you..my dearest, most beautiful nightmare

why cant i drive you away
from the nook of my head?
why don't the clouds eclipse you
from my mind for once?
why don't the wind blow you away
into oblivion?

oh how i wish i could run away and hide
from this far-from-dark, yet poignant night

or just have your hand to hold..



the moonlight parched my insides
the wind echoed your voice
i had to close the window
didn't have no other choice

.reflection.

straining her listless eyes
she stares at the hoary looking glass
looking for parts of what she used to be
in her reflection, vague and obscure
vague.. yet so pure
so distant..the reflection
shrouded by endless layers of
barely transparent confusions
yet she can feel its pain
added to her own..
the reflection she had long ago
disowned

frayed and distorted
the reflection silently moans
it can smell her reeking soul
dying a little more
with every lie she lives
with every smile she fakes
it can see all her hidden scars now
surfacing her core

she's losing touch with all she's ever been
shards of life all around her
incise her once scot-free skin
[that her reflection still projects]
...now resembling cracked porcelain
reduced to something with inanimate existance,
she's distanced from her reflection
by her many flimsy facades
by all the things she's forced to be
just to please some cruel hearts

so distant...the reflection
and now its getting out of reach
its fragile form too weary to pull any closer
any closer to her
and helplessly,its moaning still...

she's losing what she truely is
as she hears its ethereal cry..

her reflection says..
'now watch me die'
and she can see the distance multiply..

the spring of her true life
now runs dry
and she can see the distance multiply..

dsjhasjdfhakjshfjk

people dont believe me.
and i dont deserve to be believed.
im not worth their love, their trust their whateverothershityoucanthinkof
NOT.
THEY ARE JUST DUMB AND I WONT WALLOW IN SELF PITY ANYMORE THANK YOU.

yes i crave for attention.
but you can get lost.
:

gobbledegookOfSugarcoatedWords

sugarcoated words ringing in
her ears too tired of taking in all the piercing
hurtful words...thats all they ever had to
offer a few more sympathetic
glances shot pitifully at
her insides being churned by the
burning desire to smash the
guitars zombies vampires purple
tulips swimming across her
head feeling numb yet dizzy from the
visions of a mocking rocking chair
blocking her way to the
graves to bury her
pain and a chain of unending
fear winding itself tightly round her
heart being bled
white roses turning
black tears falling
thickly sugarcoated words sounding
gobbledegook
as the coat of sugar slowly wears off..

sometimes.x

will you forgive me?

for being stronger than you thought
colder than you could percieve
deeper than you ever did fathom
farther than you could reach
yet so close
so suffocatingly close...


no i wont hold on to what never was
or try reliving fake, distant memories
i just look back and smile my wan smile
and mellow down rueful melodies
...sometimes

sometimes things get so horrible, so so fuckingamazinglymaddenning and so outrageously disappointing, heartbreaking, and unnerving, the only way i end up reacting is laughing at the dramaofalife that ive got. itsa great farce.
i mean, its just plain amusing. hilariously so.
the shedding-tears-breaking-down shit seems so otherworldly.


and something in my mind tells me...

laugh out your breath
laugh out your life
and we can save the venom for another time...

and more.

psychology.
literature in english.


they're like two of my favourite colours, yeah.
and i need to choose between the two.
its a pain.
school is nothing worth looking forward to anymore.
yeah i know what im talking about its just that YOU dont know what our school is acting like.
no fests no fest no fests.
good teachers resigning.
class splitting.
fat books.
MATHS.
NIGHTMARISH MATHS.
no band.
NO HOLY BAND.
and a jetplaneofamathsteacher.
class in the first floor.
phhhhhbbt.


semicolons are nice though;
that one was called jerry.
and its not yours.
its not spike's clone.
its not any other semicolon's evil twin.
its exclusively my MY MY MY semicolon.
and you cant adopt it.

yeah okay im done thank you.
now you may go back to your cheese sandwitch.
and i know i cant spell to save my life.


i wish the icse results are out soon.
you see?
i lied.
i wasnt done.
i m a lier a bad bad gaaaarl;
GO TO BED JERRY!
:

lost

lost
as she stares at the moon
the ocean gets shallower and shallower and
shallower than her heart has ever been and
empty
she prays to borrow the waters of the ocean
and asks the water to be her
tears drying up is a choking
feeling like a huge mass of vaccum trapped in a
convoluted web of whoknowswhat that her life is
becoming moreandmoreandmore incomprehensible
and the very predictable feeling of emptiness smothers her
yet again she looks on as
the tide rises higher and higher with the moon riding on
the tide refuses to lend its waters to fill
her eyes long to see the moon come out of its cloudy veil

weak

silent shouts and screams of the dark
shadows looming closerandcloser to the
church bels ringing nonchalantly like
a programmed alarm clock wakes her from her nightmare
revolving round the sun-fiery and wild
its gravity pulling her intestines towards
its core scorching burning burning fire and
water deep inside, trapped in the cavity of
her scull making her head too heavy to be
held high any longer and looonger gets the chain of events
leading to the notsosudden changes in
history book being her valentine and
her sole companion on
her bed feels like a grave in the
graveyard beyond the
church bells still ring, their sound being
drowned by the silent shouts and screams of the dark
shadows in search of another weak soul to prey on...

if only

...and my own darkness engulfs me again...
how can i save myself?
its not that i never try..

i would stop looking for a flint and let the spark in your eyes
light up my way

if only you didnt turn away..

bleh

ifinallyhavablog.
I FINALLY HAVE A BLOG!
AND MY LAPTOPS WORKING!

and i go
YAY!
=D


whats more..
boards are over.
school starts from monday.
VP has resigned.
no fests anymore.
NO FESTS ANYMORE.
VP has resigned.
the psycho book is obese.
obesest of em all i mean.
and i have a blog finally.
but i dont have broadband back yet.
and WE CANT DO FESTS?
I MEAN..HOW RIDICULOUSLY OUTRAGEOUS IS THAT?
we'll sort it out tho.
we'll have to.
ill NOT let our school have the reputation of a rotten fish salad for not being allowed to DO FESTS.
I MEAN.
THEY CANT SNAP MY LIFELINE OKAY?
ITS ILLEGAL.



and lunch beckons.
ileave.

BUT WE CANT NOT DO FESTS.
ILL SEE TO IT.