because you thought you know me.

Off my journal (3)

I have Box windows

in my room, at our house here in Kolkata. They allow me to get locked out enough to be cut out from the rest of the house and still stay conveniently sheltered from the raging unfamiliarity that most of the city has been shoving at my face ever since I came back. It gets a little more stark with every moment i spend here, every second beyond the stretch of time i was to be allowed originally.

There is this person i might have spoken of once, here on the blog. Dadu, an aged neighbour person who loves me and mom and is concerned about us beyond comprehension.In the way old folks often get so attached to random people that it is sort of disconcerting. When he saw me first after i returned, he broke into tears because i had tanned, i couldn't retain my colour nor the supposed 'jella' that my face, or whatever, was once home to. He pitied me. He said i shouldn't go back, i should stay home- that's what's best for me.

Fact is, now no matter which city im in, I somehow only ever find myself somewhere that gives me the feel of being in those hanging box windows, this weirdass, confined territory I've got all for myself.Some place that can never be home but wont even allow me to put myself out there.

Talk about the washerman's bitch.

casinodrims.

everything in my life is not a metaphor. especially, ' im going deaf in one ear', can never be a metaphor this point of my life, mind.
but some things are.


notice the strategically placed King.

and pity my dying creativity.

stock from
sxc.hu

lovely website.

envy,etc.

misery is a bubblegum. i love it.
im back home and this is my first drawingthingydoodlelala in ages.

realisation again

things wont EVER get better. just goes downhill even when you're like in the deepest trench possible.

O BTW

i got published on dogzplot.

check my poem here clickclick

realisation

yknow what the only significant fuckup i've made in my life is?
i've either thought too much, or too little of myself.

and well, its something i keep doing.


but lets stub it out. crack a joke. and fart.
it's gotta be getting better.

WHEN THE SUN DROOLS OVER THE FOREST

THIS IS MY DAD I SWEAR HE'S SO COOL HE HANDED ME MY FIRST JOINT.


BUT OTHERWISE TOO, HE'S PRETTY COOL HE MAKES ME HAPPY AND ALL DETERMINED TO TAKE MORE SHOWERS AT RANDOM HOURS.

HE: DO YOU KNOW SOANDSO?
ME: ER, NO
HE (AFTER A 3456527 SECOND LONG STARE AT ME): DUDE, GET SOME FUCKING CONTACTS MAN.

HALF AN HOUR LATER

HE: SHIP OPEN YOUR FUCKING GLASSES
ME: (IDOESSO) OK?
HE: GET SOME FUCKING CONTACTS MAN, IM TELLING YOU.