im going back

to the start.

Hometown Glory

This is one slow, slow city. Every ride here has a million stops, and we wait for everyone, don't we?
The mornings are semi opaque, the afternoons we sleep through, and at night, i want to find myself perched right atop a streetlight, humming in key for once.

What i feel is most strikingly different in being here than in Pune is that there, i always feel restless, like there is a constant need of getting to someplace other than where i am, of doing something other than what i am doing at any given moment.While here, there's this perpetual feeling of being home and dry, leading to the laid-back-ness.
I dont know which of them is nicer.

*yawn*

Lets look for a streetlight to climb.Inside our lyad-ridden heads.

because it never stays, and thats ok. isnt it always? and ok is always great. ok is brilliant, ok is what keeps me sailing. ok makes me wanna set the horison on fire.
and this time i can at least pretend you forgot, but it really doesnt matter. none of it.

Optimism

please make it work without the bipolarity kicking in this time? this once?

*bated breath and eyes wide open for a fresh look at herself*

I'm sick and tired of getting no where
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind any more

:)

thankyousneha:D

BECAUSE ITS HOME RE BAAP.

the first thing i remember doing after setting foot on the citysoil of kol (today,imbackhomeyes) is reading two words off a hoarding out loud (its something i keep doing when im traveling, read out random shit off anyplace with randomshit splashed across it, so no conscious effort was made) which sounded exactly leik zis:

     'EET HAPENS'

bengali accent acting up out of nowhere and i dont even mind.

doom,re.

roommate thought she heard me bitching about her over the phone. not so good. has dirty lil secrets of mine. very very scary.
plus, parents got yelled at by me ohnose. i should stop PMSing when im not PMSing.
books to read books to read!
jesus, minima lefty makes this place look retarded.

and here this goes into the list of official rantblogs i happen to be using. cant seem to frame non ranty sentences anymore. dhoor.

i probably hate your face and you know it.

some people gloat about the wrong things, and they never realize what comes as a consequence of their actions and what, as a direct result of their godawfully stark shallowness, and thus like to exaggerate situations just so they can feel something occupying their vacuous fucking minds, even if its a hugeass ball of pointlessly stretched strips of facts which otherwise would not make any difference in anybody's life whatsoever. oh but no, they need an issue or no, they need to prove SOMEBODY ELSE has some issue which would make they look like some monumentally coolass punk, because oh, they rule at dealing with the other random issuebag, right? bingo!

oh hey, and that one paragraph typed just turned me into one of those people, damn. but it just came off the top of my head and honestly, i typed it just because some very random thing reminded me of this other random thing which isnt even remotely important, only it just helped me get started with the ranting again, much to your agony im sure, poor reader.
today i had the worst trip ever. it was like time was composed of some widely spaced moments during which i was barely in touch with my consciousness which ONLY ever gave me one sensation- as if i had spun around the whole motherfucking universe and then landed on the floor (which seemed to be resting on the tip of a needle very eager to stab people) after a good million years. then of course, there was somebody in the room, there was the ghost of the red blotches from our lost lives, there was also, the scariest (or perhaps the only scary) powercut i've ever had to survive. and holy mother of Ruffles Lay's, i eat like the craziest chut on planet earth,no kidding.i finished three bigpacks of chips and a pack of biscuits and then ate a heavy dinner and before all this i had downed a snacker, a zinger burger and pepsi and another pack of chips.and my phone died so i wasnt able to call anybody i wanted to call, and that was painful and i felt like panicing but also felt too slow to do so.

well, atleast I wasnt the one tripping on Twilight.
-dies laughing at whoever it concerns-
and i switched on all the lights too, so gimme some credit here. and i FUCKING ROLLED THOSE BOMBS, YES. XD they took me ages and these ones happened to be the suckiest i've ever rolled, really, but i still feel like a fucking star.

ok, so college is off for another 10 days, thanks to my favourite animals in the world. everybody happens to either have gone back home or gone to bombay or something, but im staying, because shayo has come to pune for exactly 10 days herself.today we went to KFC and tomorrow i plan to shoplift, drown in likker, meet lucy and pet her multicoloured babboon. also, imagine me shouting curses at random rickshawalas because they need to go fuck themselves and nobody ever tells them that.yknow, i've stopped wearing the bandage on my injured foot, and i still whine about the pain. im always afraid of people stepping on it and i suddenly seem to have a fixation for imagining people crying apologetically at my funeral after having killed me of the excruciating pain they caused me when they accidentally jumped on my foot. it will be hilarious if i can pull off a screamfulofcurses from up there while they mourn. clearly, i need sleep.and maybe more food. and somebody who'd wash my bandages.

what the fuck.

weird life i have. can mostly be passed off as non existent, yet i seem to have no time for ANYTHING these days. not even sleeping. and i always complain about how bored i am, or how deep in shit i happen to be, but that's all there is to it. i thought i'd finally write a long and descriptive blogpost about everything that's been going on but i feel too goddammed sleepy, so ill pass.oh so this one girl in the hostel has an iball graphic tablet which is what i used to make that image in the beginning of the post oh hell do i suck or what. ok so what else.lets see. i bought two jholas yesterday and busted a lot of money. i've been eating too much and gaining weight. the college canteen seems to be quite alright now. i now own purple eyeliners. two ya.i actually dozed off while typing the last sentence, which, as you mustve noticed, had just two words.

ok so guess what. ill update later.

because you thought you know me.

Off my journal (3)

I have Box windows

in my room, at our house here in Kolkata. They allow me to get locked out enough to be cut out from the rest of the house and still stay conveniently sheltered from the raging unfamiliarity that most of the city has been shoving at my face ever since I came back. It gets a little more stark with every moment i spend here, every second beyond the stretch of time i was to be allowed originally.

There is this person i might have spoken of once, here on the blog. Dadu, an aged neighbour person who loves me and mom and is concerned about us beyond comprehension.In the way old folks often get so attached to random people that it is sort of disconcerting. When he saw me first after i returned, he broke into tears because i had tanned, i couldn't retain my colour nor the supposed 'jella' that my face, or whatever, was once home to. He pitied me. He said i shouldn't go back, i should stay home- that's what's best for me.

Fact is, now no matter which city im in, I somehow only ever find myself somewhere that gives me the feel of being in those hanging box windows, this weirdass, confined territory I've got all for myself.Some place that can never be home but wont even allow me to put myself out there.

Talk about the washerman's bitch.